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When she stopped bristling, when her eyes turned back to being dazed as she looked at my loot, I murmured, “I got into some bad circles because of when I enlisted. Older kids, you know? Da was just grateful that they were putting some sense into me, because after I made friends with them, I stopped doodling and doing the shit he thought made me a pansy.”
“Goddamn him,” she hissed, then, when her nails dug into the bedding, I watched her calm herself down before she managed to ask, “I thought you hung around with your brothers.”
“I did. For a while. But we each had our own cliques. It was expected of us. We ran around some, but we’re generals in the Five Points. It’s how we pick our army, by who we come up with.” I grunted. “Anyway, long story short, I’d been hanging around with guys who were five or six years older than me.”
“Christ, you were a baby hanging around with adults?
I winced. “Yeah. Things derailed when I was fifteen, though.”
“That was when you started seeing Deirdre, isn’t it?”
I shot her a look. “Yeah. Cause and Effect 101.”
“Explain,” she demanded when I grimaced.
“This kid, Jonny Braden, knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy, hooked us up with some guns. Illegal gear, you know? We started doing some stupid shit. Pulling some heists that were definitely not sanctioned by the council. The five of us did it for years. No issue whatsoever.
“Convenience stores here, gas stations there. A couple of pawn shops. Nice pocket money, you know? Then, there was this bigger job. Jewelry store.” I whistled. “It was pure luck we didn’t get caught. What was even luckier was the haul we grabbed.
“I never thought anything of it, we divvied up the goods the way we usually did, no problem. Then, Jonny starts bitching at this other kid, Paul. Paul was the one who knew our fence—the guy who’d sell our stuff. Jonny starts saying he was bullshitting us on the appraisal, that he was screwing us out of our share.” My mind twisted back to that night that had haunted me for decades. “Me and Cillian were just trying to calm shit down, only Paul pulled out his gun, shot Jonny in the fucking head, but not before Jonny whipped his own piece out and hit Paul—right in the fucking gut. One went wide, hitting another one of my crew straight in the chest.
“So, there we were, two kids left, each of us shitting ourselves.”
I scrubbed a hand over my face, because this was not my proudest moment, and I didn’t know how to carry on. When I turned to look at her, saw she wasn’t horrified, it didn’t come as a shock. She’d been raised in the life, after all. Her father wasn’t supposed to say shit around the dinner table, but fuck, everyone drank a little too much from time to time, didn’t they? Said crap they shouldn’t?
“What happened?”
“We went to war with the Haitians that year,” I mused softly, and watched her as the information clicked.
“You blamed the Haitians for their deaths?”
“I did.” I pursed my lips. “I was fifteen and fucking terrified of Da. Too young to be armed, too goddamn naive to be rolling around with guys who were in their twenties, but that’s how it works. You know that.” I reached up and rubbed the bridge of my nose. “Me and the only other kid who didn’t die planted evidence that pointed at the Haitians, and because Da’s such a loose cannon, and because they were messing with our gun supply, it was a simple excuse.”
“Jesus, that war didn’t stop for, what? Another four years?”
Guilt filled me. “Yeah.”
“And you never said anything?”
“No. Not until last week. To Brennan and Conor.”
“Why?” she whispered, her eyes huge in her face.
“Because it’s the source of a threat and it needs stamping out.”
“That’s what you’re being blackmailed over? The cover-up?”
I nodded. “Ask me who the other kid who helped me plant shit on the Haitians was, Aela.”
She swallowed, and the sound was so audible, it had me wanting to give her a bottle of water. Only, I was in bed and out for the fucking count. I wasn’t moving anywhere.
“Cillian… I know that name,” she whispered under her breath. Then it clicked. “Cillian Donahue?”
“Yeah.”
Deirdre Donahue’s big brother.
“Fuck,” she breathed. “He told her?”
