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Finn nodded.
“And that’s why you barely rest and why you’re always working?”
“Yes. So that Jake can be free of the Points. So that Shay can be, so that the kid in Aela’s belly will be, and that this one won’t be tangled up in this shit world.” His mouth twisted. “I was a kid when I went to Aidan, Junior at my side. We were both cocky pieces of shit when we told him we were ready to enlist.” He scoffed. “Enlist. Like it’s something to be proud of. Like it’s the military.”
“You were raised believing it was something to be proud of.” Curious, because we didn’t often talk about stuff like this, I studied him.
Life got in the way.
He talked about business deals and directors who had pissed him off. I spoke about the bakery and Jake and Jen and just, well,lifestuff.
“I was.” Bitterly, he derided himself, “Proud. Can you imagine?”
“It was different when you were a kid, wasn’t it?”
“It was,” he agreed. “The Five Points exploded in the late eighties when Aidan started Acuig.
“Suddenly, he had legitimate means of laundering his dirty money. It’s taken nearly thirty years to get to this point, but when I moved in with them, they were rich but not like this. Not like today.”
“That’s a big change in a generation.”
“It is. I’d like to think Conor and I were pivotal to that. Aidan started Acuig, and he had some direction, but his mind isn’t business-oriented. Well, not regular business, at any rate.
“We steered things down this road, and maybe, just maybe, we can make it so that—”
I squeezed his hand. “So that, what, baby?”
“I don’t know.” He closed his eyes, and suddenly, his fatigue leached into his expression, revealing a bone deep weariness that I knew no amount of sleep would ever ease.
“You do,” I chided.
He released a soft breath. “The Five Points aren’t going anywhere. It’s not going to happen. Wishing otherwise is a pipe dream. But it doesn’t have to work how it does now.”
“Not if Junior’s in charge. I can’t see him letting his son pick up a gun at fourteen—”
“It isn’t the gun that’s the problem. I want Jake to be able to shoot, to defend himself. It’s what he does with it that’s the issue. Hanging around street corners like a gangbanger…” Finn sighed. “I don’t want that for my boy.”
“Me either.” My fingers found his wedding ring, and I rubbed it. “You’ve got time, baby.”
“Not enough of it. Twelve years? Is that enough to change things?”
“Think about twelve years ago,” I suggested. “iPods were a massive deal, TikTok didn’t exist, and eBay was hot shit.”
“True.” He grinned, and for some reason, that seemed to cheer him up. “Do you want something to eat?”
“Is that instead of talking about this? Because we can talk some more—”
He shook his head. “I’d prefer to eat with my family. What will be will be, but I’ll bust my ass to make sure Jake has options.”
I was choked up as I rasped, “And I love you for that.”
“Sweetheart,” he breathed. “You should hate me for—”
“I could never hate you.Ever,” I insisted. “Get that out of your head.”
His lips curved, but there was a sadness to that smile that hurt my heart.
Despite having a great evening with Lena, and the following day, celebrating Declan and Aela’s nuptials in the private room in the museum with a Vermeer watching over the ceremony, that sadness remained in Finn’s eyes.
And it hurt my damn heart knowing there was nothing I could do to ease it. Nothing aside from the downfall of the Five Points, which meant the downfall of my family…
For the first time, I understood his sadness.
