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He wasn’t.
And I believed him when he said he chose himself. Selfishness aside, I could deal with that better than I could him choosing Lena over me.
I froze in my tracks at the thought, and I twisted around and away from his support. I looked up at him and pressed a hand to his shoulder to maintain some distance.
Seeing the pain in his face at how I shoved space between us, I stayed strong as I demanded, “Are you lying to me about anything else?”
He straightened up. “I can’t tell you shit about the Five Points, Aoife—”
“And I never asked you to. Why would I be interested in that? I’m talking about things that affect you, me, and Jake. Our personal lives.”
“This was… I couldn’t tell you.” When I released a scoffing sound, his nostrils flared, but though I knew I’d aggravated him, his voice was calm as he said, “You might disagree but I knew Senior would never let her see a minute in jail, so I went along with it. I chose wrongly though. I knew that almost as soon as I headed down this path.”
“Why didn’t you tell me then?”
“Because the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
I stared at him. “How could you let me eat with them, break bread with them—”
“Because they’re my family, Aoife.” His words were wooden, cold. Like each one was chipped away from a block of ice. “Because they’re the only family I’ve ever had, and because I didn’t want to have to live without them.
“I know I was selfish. I know I was. But I… They took me in when I needed them most. Cutting myself out of their lives…” His throat worked and he straightened up taller and I heard his resolve as he ground out, “Whatever you need me to do, I’ll do.”
“You couldn’t cut them out of your life before but you can now?”
I saw the pain in his eyes, and it made the open wound in my soul bleed.
“Every day I’m with you, I feel like there’s more of a reason to live. A reason to wake up. It’s to do with Jake, but without you, I’m a…” His jaw tensed. “I’m just putting one foot in front of the other.
“Asking me to live without you is like asking someone to live without the sun. I can’t do it. Whatever you need me to do, I’ll do because I need you more than sunlight, baby. I always will.”
His words hit me like a slap in the face, but because I couldn’t focus on this right now, because I couldn’t waver in my resolve, I insisted, “Finn, tell me right now if you’re keeping anything else from me.”
He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. “I mean, Christ, I don’t think I am. Nothing like this, at any rate.”
That probably wouldn’t have reassured most women, but it did me.
Truth was, with as much as Finn had going on in a day, if he’d said that he was keeping nothing from me point blank, I wouldn’t believe him. His lack of confidence seemed more earnest, and I needed that rather than bullshit assurances right now.
“Oh.” He cursed under his breath. “Shit.”
I scowled at him. “What is it?”So much for reassurances.
“I didn’t know this until St. Stephen’s Day,” he admitted.
“What?”
“Callum O’Reilly was a Sparrow.”
“Conor’s friend?” I gasped. “He must be devastated.”
“He is.” His lips tightened. “Callum leaked the details of our wedding to the Sparrows, Aoife. It led to…”
“He’s the reason…” My mouth gaped. “The drive-by?”
Pain darkening those cobalt blue eyes, Finn nodded. “Those fucking Sparrows.”
Standing there, in the frigid cold, I went down the rabbit hole of everything I’d endured because of Callum O’Reilly…
