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Veering into my bedroom triggered memories of the tears I’d shed when I’d researched the surgeries it would take for a baby with sirenomelia to survive.
It wasn’t the first time I’d cried in that bed, either.
I’d suffered three miscarriages now, and all of them had happened within these walls, under this roof.
Then there was my recovery from the drive-by shooting on our wedding day… something that had only happened because the Points had been infiltrated by the Sparrows. Where this apartment had been invaded, where my safety had been compromised.Yet again.
Changing the decor hadn’t changed what I’d endured here.
The pain of the past, the memories, choked me.
But as much as they did, it was nothing to Finn’s revelations.
His secrets had sunk into the walls themselves, lining each inch with words that would never be erased.
There was regret built into the foundations of the building. Lies. Resentment.
And I knew I didn’t want to be here anymore.
Simple.
“I can’t be here anymore.”
I said the words aloud, but it was only then that I realized how out of control my breathing was.
When Finn had called, I knew my heart had started racing, but it was only now that I felt like I was running even though I was standing still.
My ears raced with the sound of my pulse, and my skin felt clammy.
I staggered over to the bed, widened my thighs, and plopped my head between them.
It took a hellishly long time for my heart to calm down, for my lungs to stop burning.
I felt sick, but for all that I was shaken, resolve filled me, and it gave me the strength I needed to stand up. To take a deep breath and to exhale, and to do it again.
Slowly.
To calm myself down.
Gradually.
After five minutes of self-soothing, I knew what I had to do.
Grabbing my phone, I tucked it into my purse before I headed into Jake’s room. He’d been napping off and on all day, and I watched him squeeze his toes with his hands so I knew he was awake.
There was joy in this room, but it wasn’t enough to make me want to stay here.
I picked him up and got him ready to head out, and as I did, Louise rang me.
Finn’s call was the final straw for this apartment.
I believed him.
I was well aware that he wasn’t interested in Louise.
I’d seen the way she looked at him, and I knew how he looked at me.
But it was me reaching the end of my rope.
