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Her head rocked against my chest. “I don’t think I have sea legs.”
“You won’t know until we go on one,” I countered.
“Why would you want to sail down the Atlantic during winter?”
“You have a point,” I said on a sigh, recognizing that particular flaw in my plan.
“In May? Sure. But I don’t think I’ll be comfortable with being away from the doctors at that point.”
I tensed some. “Speaking of, baby, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“What is it?”
“I’m thinking about getting a vasectomy.”
She stilled. “Because of me?”
“Well, in part. I know you want a big family, sweetheart, but your body doesn’t agree.” I kissed her temple. “I think two will be enough, don’t you?”
She was quiet for so long that I thought she was working herself into a rage, but her voice was rougher than I liked as she whispered, “Idowant a big family.”
“I know you do, baby.” It was why I hadn’t gone through with the procedure just yet.
I’d known she was pregnant before she had. The dates of her period were in my calendar at work, for Christ’s sake. But I knew from experience not to bring it up, so my getting the pregnancy test as a Christmas gift had come as a genuine surprise.
We’d lost two babies before Jake, and each time, she hadn’t told me until the miscarriage had happened and I’d found her in tears.
I knew what she wanted, but that just wasn’t in the cards for us. Biologically, anyway.
While I hated not being able to give her the world, two losses and two gains weren’t odds I appreciated.
It was time to take any and all risks away.
“I don’t want Jake to be like us,” she whispered.
“And he won’t be, will he?” I murmured, carefully stroking her shoulders as I continued, “Not only will he have us, but he’ll have Buster in there.”
A surprised laugh escaped her. “Buster?”
I shrugged. “What else should we call him or her?”
“Buster’s a boy’s name.”
Snorting, I told her, “It’s non-binary.”
“I’ll remember to tell that to Aidan Sr. at Sunday dinner,” she teased.
“Please do.” I chuckled. “I like watching Shay slice into him. Remember when he explained what cis-gender is?”
“I saw a couple of Senior's remaining dark hairs turn gray after that discussion. I’m still not sure why he finds it so complicated.”
“Because he’s a simple man. And I mean that in the broadest sense.”
Her lips twitched as she peered at me. “Well, Shay will bring him into the twenty-first century.”
“God help him,” I drawled.
Her amusement died as she looked at me, and in the firelight, her expression was a mixture of somber and loving. I hated to see the somber, though I knew I was the reason for it.
