AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"My vagina appreciates your sacrifice, but don’t I get a say in this?"
"I overheard you talking with Aela a couple Saturdays before he died."
"You did?" Her voice had turned wary.
"You were talking about how you didn’t know how to tell me that you didn’t really want to start a family now. That, even if you did, you couldn’t cope with lots of kids like your mom." I shoved a hand through my hair. "It made me think about why I wanted a big family, and I realized that isn’t for us."
"Why not?"
"Because it isn’t what you want," I rumbled, watching her eyes flare wide. "And what you want matters to me. More than what I need, and that got me to thinking aboutwhyI’d need a big family anyway. To be like my own?" I shook my head. "I don’t want what I had. If we’re blessed with a child, they’ll have cousins. Lots of the fuckers. That can be enough for them."
Her lips had formed a perfect ‘O.’ "Thank you, Aidan."
"You don’t have to thank me," I said gruffly. "I want a kid for them to be their own person. Not to have future Five Pointers.
"Maybe I wouldn’t have pieced that together without Da’s passing, but hediddie. And Ididrealize that.
"I want a little boy or a little girl because they’re a part of you, not because they’ll reign over the Five Points when I’m dead and gone."
A gentle breath escaped her, and as I stared deep in her eyes, I knew my words resonated.
I thought she’d talk more about that, but she didn’t. Instead, softly, she asked me, "Is that the first time you cried for him?"
"Since that day, yes. Didn’t fucking know I was crying. Fucking puss—"
"Don’t you even think about finishing that sentence," she snarled, her hands slamming into my shoulders. "You arenota pussy for grieving your father, especially not with me. If you’re my safe space, then I’m yours too."
Reaching up, I rubbed at my forehead. "Seems like two minutes ago I was heading over to West Orange to attend the funeral of the ex-Prez of the Satan’s Sinners’ MC, never thinking Da would be next—"
"You went to that?"
"I did."
"You didn’t tell me," she said with a pout.
"I didn’t want you to know. I knew you’d demand to come."
"What was it like?"
"Why?"
"They say bikers’ funerals are impactful."
My jaw worked. "It was better than that fucking shitshow of Da’s. Somber and miserable when half the city was grateful that he’s dead, and that wake was more of an excuse for a party than anything else.
"Catholic funerals are miserable affairs. Bear’s was a celebration of his life, not commemorative of his death." Because I knew she wanted details, I kept going, "They made a fucking racket. There was a funeral procession and they drove around the town then headed back to the compound. There was music and the council danced. It was…" I shrugged. "It was touching, I guess."
"Very un-MC."
"They raised hell too. Blasted their horns for at least ten minutes." My lips quirked up in a grin. "The song they played, I heard someone say that it was Bear and his Old Lady’s song."
"That’s so sweet," she whispered.
I nodded. "Was better than ‘The Lord is my Shepherd,’ that’s for goddamn sure."
"You sound angry."
"I am," I muttered. "I didn’t realize it, but I am. You’re right. He was an animal, and there was shit he put us through that I’ll never forgive him for, but mostly, I’ll never fucking forgive him for dying like that. For choosingthatend.
"Even though I know it was to protect Ma, even though I know he was sick, he could have…" I sucked in a breath. "He could have said goodbye."
She cupped my chin again, and just when I thought she was going to argue, she placed her mouth against mine and graced me with a single kiss.
"Men like Aidan O’Donnelly Sr. don’t say goodbye, Aidan."
And the bitch of it was, I knew she was right.
