Page 25 of Denial


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"We'll make you breakfast," Jeremiah offers.

"I'll even get you some doughnuts," Ezekiel throws in.

I glare at them. "That's not playing fair."

Jeremiah leans down to kiss me. "Goodnight."

Ezekiel kisses me too, his longer, maybe with an apology in it, although I don't truly know what he's apologizing for.

"Goodnight," he murmurs.

"Goodnight."

He closes the door behind him, and I fall back to the bed, reprimanding myself for staying, giving myself excuses for still being here, asking myself what the fuck is going on. I've never been so confused and yet, seemingly so content, in my confusion. Because that's something I am sure of, that I want to be here. I just have no idea why. Why them? Why now? Why is my heart suddenly changing all the rules when we promised to always abide by them so long ago? We made a vow and now my heart seems to be turning away from it every chance it gets. I don't like it...but I like them. Too much.

I move up the bed, lay on the pillow and hope that closing my eyes will quiet my mind. It doesn't. I'm up long enough that I give up on going to sleep and get up to go get my phone from my purse in the kitchen. I pick up my clothes from the floor as I walk down the hallway, distinctly noticing my panties are not among them. As I reach the fifth step from the bottom, I hear Jeremiah's harsh words and they make me stop short.

"What the fuck, Zek? Why did you say that up there?"

"You know exactly fucking why," Ezekiel growls. "I don't know why you even asked about feelings as if they are an option."

His words hurt much more than they have a right to.

"That was a totally different situation. You're going to let that—"

"What?" Ezekiel cuts him off. "Teach me a fucking lesson? Yeah, I am, and so should you. Fucking let it go, Jer."

"You don't have to hurt Lexa to avoid being hurt. That's all I'm saying."

But his voice is much more subdued, like what Ezekiel said has hit the chord it was supposed to. Whatever skeleton they're talking about is a deep and hurtful one. And I have no business listening to them talk about it. I damn sure wouldn't want them listening to me talk about my mother being the reason my heart is barricaded like a damn fortress. So, I quietly go back upstairs and into the bedroom, closing the door behind me. I lay down again, and this time my heart feels just as heavy as my mind.

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