Page 16 of Half of My Heart


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“Please let go of me,” she begs while being muffled against my chest. Her hands are trying to push me away, but my grip on her is too much. I know she’s someone else’s right now, but I just can’t seem to let her go.You touching her is the last thing she wants, I remind myself and release her. I back away from her and grumble, “Sorry,” even though I’m not fucking sorry at all for holding her.

I want to be holding her forever.

She tries to put some distance between us and clears her throat “When do you want to do the paternity test?” she asks, changing the subject and not at all acknowledging my apology.

I know I will need to do one for legality purposes, but in order to regain Jenna’s trust, I need her to see that I trust and believe her. For now, I will let her see that the courts mandate it and that it isn’t coming from me. “It isn’t necessary. She looks just like me,” I tell her with a smile and damn if I’m not feeling full of pride at the fact that Avery looks like a Harrington.

“Yeah… she does,” Jenna sighs out, giving me a small smile.

That small glimmer of a smile reminds me of the past, where smiles and laughter between us were infectious. Jenna must be feeling the nostalgia as well because we stare at each other, both caught up in a time long ago. But reality comes slithering back to me and I realize so much time has been lost. I’ve missed out on so much of my daughter’s life that now I need to play catch up. I can’t seem to stop the anger that is simmering like a beast inside of me and it’s taking all my willpower to control it while I’m in front of Jenna.

I swallow down my emotions and clear my throat. “I would like to come back tomorrow with my lawyer to discuss legalities. I need all her vital information so that I can add her to my will and create some bank accounts for her. We also need to discuss my visitation rights when I permanently move to Chicago.” My mind is racing with all the things I need to do that I almost miss Jenna’s sharp intake of breath.

“Wait, what? You’re moving to Chicago?”

“Of course I’m going to move to Chicago. We’re starting to shoot my new movie here in a couple of weeks, so I’ll be in a hotel at first, but then I’ll find a place to buy.” She looks at me with such shock that I wonder what she was expecting. “This is where you live. I would never imagine uprooting Avery when I can be flexible. Visitation needs to be situated because I would like for her to visit my family in England with me as well.”

“She’s never been on a plane before.” Her voice is filled with anxiety, and she rubs her forehead as if she has a headache. “This is all going too fast. I can’t deal with this right now,” she says and shakes her head.

“I want a relationship with my daughter, Jenna, and I will need your help with that,” I tell her in a firm tone. I know this is a lot of information to handle and I’m confident that Jenna wouldn’t deny me my daughter, but her response to my moving to Chicago bothers me.

“These things are going to take time, Cal. She doesn’t even know you exist!”

I narrow my eyes at her, not liking her answer. “What do you mean? You told her she doesn’t have a father?”

“She knows she has a father, but I didn’t tell her who her father was. All she was told is that her daddy does not live with us and works all the time,” she explains and I feel relieved that she somewhat told her the truth and didn’t lie.

“Well, thanks for not telling her I was dead,” I say with a sheepish smile because she easily could have.

“There’s no reason to lie to her. I knew one day she would want to know about her real father.”

“Does she currently have some sort of father figure?” I ask, straightening up my spine as if that’s going to shield me from the answer I’m dreading to hear from her.

“Just my dad and Robert. I’m dating someone, but he isn’t present much in her life right now.”

Thank you, God.“Ah yes, the hockey player.”

She nods her head at me and is about to speak but gets distracted by the presence of Robert outside the office doors. “Will you excuse me for one moment, please?” she asks, but leaves without waiting for a response from me.

I briefly close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm me down. I need to call Philip and figure out what can be done about Valerie. The bitch needs to pay and I need to figure out my retribution. I open my eyes when I hear Jenna’s footsteps coming closer.

“My lawyer can meet tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. Is that too early for you and your lawyer?”

“That should work,” I tell her and see her demeanor has changed to all business. I think this is the perfect time to make our exit. I need to call my lawyer and Philip. “We need to get going. Oh, and this time, I will need your phone number,” I request with a satisfied smirk. There’s no way in hell I’m leaving here without her number. She frowns but nods her head in agreement.

I follow her out to the living room where she retrieves her phone from the kitchen counter and we exchange numbers. Once that is done, I turn to my mother and nod at her. “I hate to announce this, but it’s time for us to go, Avery.”

“Thank you for playing with me, Rose. I had so much fun!” Avery throws her little arms around my mother’s legs and squeezes. She responds by kneeling and hugging Avery back, her eyes closed, but her face beaming in happiness. Pride fills me with my daughter’s sweet gesture, and I can see my mother is trying to keep her composure and not cry in front of Avery.

“Thank you so much for letting me play with you, Avery,” she tells her. I walk over to them and help my mother back to her feet. To my surprise, she walks over to Jenna and embraces her. “Thank you!” I hear her whisper to Jenna, who stands there in awkward silence. When my mother pulls away, Jenna nods at her and it seems she’s fighting to keep her emotions at bay as well. I know once these two get to know each other, my mother will love Jenna as if she’s another one of her daughters. I see my mother look at Avery with longing and an idea springs to mind.

“Will it be okay if my mother spends time with Avery tomorrow while we have our meeting?” I ask Jenna, my eyes pleading with her to say yes. My mother looks at Jenna with hope while Avery jumps up and down in excitement, screaming her approval.

“Avery’s usually in school by then,” Jenna responds, but I can see she’s thinking. She suddenly looks at Robert, who nods his head as if he’s read her mind, “But since this is a special occasion, I can keep her home in the morning for you to spend time together.”

“Thank you very much,” I tell her with sincerity, grateful that she’s giving my mother more time with Avery.

We all walk toward her door, and I open it with dread, not wanting to leave but knowing I need to. I motion for my mother to walk in front of me and when we are through the door, I turn around one more time to look at Avery and then at Jenna. I briefly stare at them watching me and remind myself that this will be my new normal.

“Until tomorrow.” I nod goodbye and it takes every ounce of strength in me to put one foot in front of the other.

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