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ChapterTwenty-Two
ANOTHER TWO MONTHS LATER
The days flew into weeks,which in turn flew into months, and Jenna still hasn’t said the words I didn’t realize I was yearning to hear. At first, it didn’t bother me because her actions screamed that she loved me, but every time I said those three little words, it seemed to completely change her demeanor from happy to sad. Her eyes always tear up and I know the words are on the tip of her tongue, but she refuses to say them. When I asked her why she cries every time, she shook her head and told me it was because she was so happy. That answer sufficed for a little while, but soon it wasn’t enough. I need to hear her say she loves me back.
One day I told her I loved her right before she went to drop Avery off at school and when she only smiled at me and gave me a kiss goodbye, it completely ruined my day. I tried to get my aggression out on the boxing bag in the gym, but my mind played that scene repeatedly, torturing me with doubt about us. When I left the gym not feeling any better, I decided to call the one person who’s refused to help me with Jenna the whole time I’ve been here
“Tell me why she won’t tell me she loves me, Layla? Help me understand,” I barked into the phone as soon as she picked up.
“Not my problem you can’t understand her,” she retorted back, which made me want to smash my phone against the concrete.
“Layla,” I said in a strained voice, “I’m trying my hardest to make your best friend happy. She’s my sunshine on her happiest of days and my darkest of clouds on the days she’s mad or sad. I’ve told her countless times how much I loved her, how I feel fucking insane with the need I have for her and yet I somehow still feel like I’m failing her. I try to be supportive of her career, I try to be an equal partner, and I’m trying to be patient with her fears and insecurities. But obviously, I’m still missing the bigger picture here because I can’t for the life of me understand why she won’t say it back.”
“It’s not always about you, asshole,” she mocked, but her voice was softer and not filled with so much animosity toward me. I knew she didn’t approve of Robert working with me behind Jenna’s back, despite it being for Jenna’s own safety, but she’s kept it a secret.
“Please Layla,” I beg of her in a tired, pleading voice. “Help me.”
She was silent for a few seconds and then she sighed. “She loves you. She’s just scared to say it out loud because telling you gives you complete control to shatter her heart into a million pieces if you change your mind about the relationship. She was a mess after her first divorce, but somehow, you affect her more than her ex-husband ever did.”
“But I’m not him,” I growled in frustration. “When is she going to stop comparing?”
“When she’s ready!” she yelled into the phone, her patience with me gone. “Why can’t you just be happy she’s accepted you back into her life? You’ve turned her whole world upside down in such a short amount of time. Let her get used to her new ‘normal’. Let her understand what it’s like dating someone like you. She’ll tell you when she’s ready…unless you push her away with your demanding, alpha-asshole ways.”
And with that, she hung up on me and darkened my mood even more.
I went back home and called Chase, telling him I’m keeping him employed until I return from overseas. I was considering letting him go since Jenna has Mason and things have quieted down with the paparazzi, but for my own sanity while I’m gone, I want him to stay on.
When Jenna came home with Avery later that day, I stayed quiet and put my focus into playing with our daughter. I took her to the indoor swimming pool, but dinner together was a somber affair and Jenna noticed the change in my mood.
“You’re angry today. Did something happen?” she asked once Avery was asleep and we were in the privacy of our bedroom. She approached me and wrapped her arms around my waist, concern streaming from her gaze. Layla’s words echoed through my mind as I stared down at Jenna and although I knew she was right, I was beyond the point of being in a logical mood. I was feeling angry, possessive, and irrational and Jenna was now in the line of my wrath.
I grabbed hold of her biceps and leaned down into her face. “I. Love. You,” I told her with gritted teeth, my frustration lashing out at her from my eyes. “Stop comparing me to him!”
Her eyes widened in shock, and she knew right away what I meant. “Cal—” she started to talk, but I cut her off with my mouth. I don’t want to hear any excuses. The only thing I want to hear back is her love. My kisses were bruising, but she didn’t protest and accepted my roughness.
“I want you,” I snarled, tugging off her clothes roughly. “I wantallof you, Jenna. Your body, your mind, your soul, andyour heart.” My words come out menacing and my grip on her is firm, but she never told me to stop. She wrapped those legs around my waist and surrendered herself to me. I’ve never angry fucked her before, but I was out of control with my emotions and needed to be inside of her quickly. When I was done and we both climaxed, I rolled away from her, ashamed of how I handled myself. We laid there in silence and just when I was about to fall asleep, I felt her lips on my shoulder and her arm snaked around my waist.
“Please don’t give up on me,” she whispered against my back. I covered her hands with mine and squeezed, showing her I appreciated her words.
But as we got closer to my departure date, sex with Jenna started to change. Her appetite was insatiable, and she acted like it had to be urgent, and I was a willing participant because I felt the same way she did, as if our time was ticking away. Even during the times I tried to make love to her and savor her body, she would turn the tables on me and start sucking me off. She knew she could have me whenever she wanted because when it came to her, I was always ravenous. She occupied my thoughts during the day, and I made sure to occupy her body at night. It didn’t matter anymore that she wasn’t saying the words; she was giving me her body over and over again.
And I prayed her heart would soon follow.
* * *
Tomorrow, I depart for Dubai, and it’s been a busy week trying to get ready and being present for my girls. Jenna took the week off from work and kept Avery home so I could maximize every second with them before leaving. We agreed that I would go there first by myself to get settled in and then her and Avery would join me two weeks later with the hopes to not be apart for more than a few weeks at a time. This isn’t going to be easy to maintain, especially being on the other side of the world. I can’t always rely on Jenna traveling to me with an almost five-year-old and she knows work won’t let me take that much time off during filming to come to them. We both know this, but we’ve agreed we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Today, we let Avery dictate what our plans were, and she decided we were playing in the park, swimming and eating lots of ice cream. She didn’t have her usual smiles and giggles and I know it’s because she’s sad about me leaving and can feel the undercurrent of tension between Jenna and me.
Tonight, I’m taking Jenna on a formal date to one of Chicago’s finest restaurants. I had Kellan ship a special dress to me for her and I left it on the bed before I went to go drop Avery off at Jenna’s parents’ house for the night. I’m now getting ready back at my hotel so I can formally pick Jenna up from the condo. I finish getting dressed and walk toward the mirror to check out my appearance. I’m wearing the same pinstripe suit I wore when I took Jenna out on our first official date back in Las Vegas. While we’ve been on many dates since getting back together, tonight marks the anniversary of that said date and while I know Jenna only keeps track of the date we met, our first date holds a special place in my heart. Satisfied with the way I look, I glance down at my watch to see it’s time to go pick her up. I leave my room and take the elevator downstairs to where my driver is waiting for me.
We arrive at Jenna’s within fifteen minutes, and I grab the bouquet of flowers I have for her and go inside to take the elevators up to her floor. I knock on the door, despite having my own key, and wait for her. When a couple of minutes go by without her opening it, I chalk it up to her still getting ready. I let myself in and call out her name, but I’m greeted with silence. I put the bouquet down on the kitchen counter and walk back to the bedroom. A pit in my stomach starts to form when I see the dress she was supposed to wear tonight laying out on the bed still. I take my cell phone out of my pocket and call her number, but it goes straight to voicemail. Fear slithers inside of my veins and I walk out of the bedroom and go into her office. Her desk is clean and the only thing on the second desk that Robert uses when he’s here is his laptop. I walk back out of the office and call Mason.
“Are you with Jenna?” I demand as soon as he picks up.
“No, you gave me the night off, remember?” he asks in confused hesitation. “What’s going on?”
“I’m supposed to be taking her on a date right now, but when I arrived home, she wasn’t here and the dress I wanted her to wear is still on the bed. I called her cell phone, but it went straight to voicemail.”
