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“He’s still the same. Maia was able to go in and see him.” I skirt around the truth—the fact that I haven’t been in to see him. Because I can’t. I’m too filled with anger and hurt at both him and myself. And I’m scared. Fuck, I’m scared. Scared to go into that room. Scared to see him battered to hell. Scared he won’t make it and my last memory of him will either be in a hospital room or saying awful things to him. I’m a big fat chicken, but I can’t do it. I’m not ready yet. “And I’m just kinda hanging in there.”
“I’m so sorry, bud. Everyone sends their love, and Trevor and I come bearing lots of food.”
Trev walks over and throws an arm over my shoulder. “He made it this far. He can make it all the way back. Have faith. And lots of carbs.”
“Thanks, guys. I appreciate it.”
“Of course. We’ll bring it all down to the waiting room, then we can stay for a bit if we aren’t in the way,” Rae says.
“You won’t be in the way. I’m sure everyone else could use a little distraction at this point. Come on.” I grab a box. “This way.”
They follow me to the waiting room. Maia, who is sitting next to her mom, is the first out of her chair when we all walk in. Rae sets down what she’s carrying and gives Maia a big hug. I don’t know exactly why, but it’s always a little weird when the two of them are together. They’re like two sides of the same coin.
“Thanks for bringing all this,” Leo says with a nod. He knows Rae’s parents and Trevor’s mom. Then again, everyone knows pretty much everyone in this town for good or bad. Right now, though, I’m thankful for the support. I look down at a box on the chair and see a card in it. Plucking it out, I flip it open.
Thinking of all of you and sending love and healing prayers for Braden. Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything.
-The Barnes, Monroe, and Anderson families
Marion’s Café is a staple in our town, and Marion and her family are some of the kindest people I’ve ever met. It’s no surprise she prepared all this food so early. Hell, I’m sure she didn’t even charge Trevor full price.
For some reason, this is the moment that everything hits me. Trying to steady my breath, I turn and walk down the hall, needing to be away from everyone before I break. Much like I did when I first got to the hospital, I lean against a wall and slide down, my head dropping into my hands.
I can’t handle this.My regret. The idea that I could lose him. It’s all too much. I know no one is ever truly prepared to lose someone they love. But I’m only seventeen. I shouldn’t have to worry about this yet. Haven’t I already had my share of loss in life? Of this kind of pain?
I snort back tears, but it’s pointless because more come.
Pulling my knees to my chest, I rock back and forth. A horrible memory hits me as I do.
I’m sitting on my bed, surrounded by stuffed animals. All I can think is that I want my mom. But she’s gone. She can’t come hug me. Can’t make my tears stop. Wishing for the comfort her arms bring, I wrap my arms around my knees, humming the song she always sang to me as I sob.
“Hey, I’ve got you.”
My father wraps an arm around me and pulls me tight to him. “I told him to consider our friendship over. That I didn’t want anything to do with him if he was acting like this. But now… what if he needed me? What if I had—”
“You couldn’t control his actions, Nick.”
“I was so mad. For so many reasons. I still am. And it’s not fair. It’s not fair that he did that. That we’re all here. That we might lose him. I don’t want—he’s my best friend. I can’t—”
“I know.” He wraps his other arm around me and pulls me to his chest, hugging me tightly. “Believe me, I know.”
I sob against his chest while silently screaming to the universe,please don’t let him die. I don’t want to lose him. Please let him fight. For once, let him have the strength to fight and make his way back to us.
