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He grabs Harper’s bag and walks out the door as I hurry to my room and grab a sweatshirt. “What’s going on?” I ask Vince.
“Nothing—well, not nothing. I don’t know. He should tell you about it. It’s complicated.”
“Well, that explainsnothing.”
“Look, it might be an emotional conversation, which is probably why he wants to talk to you alone.”
“And now I’m anxious.”
“Don’t be. Just hear him out, okay?”
“Sure,” I say, as I pull the door open.
“Oh, and Mai?”
“Yeah?”
A little smirk plays on his lips. “Try not to kiss him this time.”
I frown and shoot a glare in his direction. “Thanks. Thank you for that,” I say flatly.
“Anytime,” he calls as I walk out the door.
Braden is waiting in one of the Adirondack chairs under the small deck off the apartment.
I drop into the chair next to him and look at him. “What’s up?”
He lets out a rough sigh. “This isn’t easy for me to say and probably won’t be easy for you to hear, but… you deserve to know. And I—”
“Just tell me, Brade.” Anxiety twists in my stomach, trying to figure out what could possibly be hurting him so deeply.
“Apparently Maddie had a baby. And there’s a chance I might be the father. I have to go to family court in…” He keeps talking, but I can’t hear him over the sound of my pounding heart.
This is the one thing—theonlything—we didn’t talk about in therapy. Mostly because I didn’t want to know if it was true. But it is. He slept with her. A week after we broke up. I know I’m engaged to Vince, but I can’t say this doesn’t hurt. It takes me right back to that moment.
“Maia?”
My eyes go to him.When did he stop talking? How long have I been sitting here, staring into existence?
“Say something, please.”
I swallow hard as my eyes flutter closed. “I need a minute.” I say it because the thoughts I have right now are not particularly nice. I want to yell at him. I want to tell him it’s a consequence of his actions that he deserves to pay. But that’s not what he needs. And it’s not really fair. He already knows it. Hearing it from me won’t change anything. And it’s a situation where my expectations and anger would just come out in meanness.
I learned a lot from therapy, not the least of which was that at times, me standing up for myself went a bit too far. Sometimes I could be mean. And I’d tell myself he—or whoever I was talking to—deserved it. But that’s not the truth. It’s okay to stand up for yourself and know your worth. It’s something else to say hurtful things out of anger.
And more than that, I’ve learned that Braden is more likely to shut down if he feels like he’s failed or can’t measure up, and that’s not what I want.
I take a deep breath. “I’m going to try to say this the right way, so bear with me.” Because although I don’t want to be hurtful, I do want to understand. “First of all, if that’s the case, we’re all going to be here for you. I need you to know that before I say this next thing.” One more breath in and out. “Can you—can you tell me what you were thinking? Because I don’t… I couldn’t have hooked up with someone—been with anyone in any way—so close to our breakup. I just need to understand… how? Why?” I wish this situation didn’t trigger me so much. But I remember the moment I found out. All I could do was wonder whether or not he had really loved me. I know I loved him. Not how I love Vince, but I did.
He inhales deeply. “I’m going to try to saythisthe right way. But there’s no great way to say it. I was broken. And I didn’t know how to deal with that. You were my constant, Maia. I didn’t know how to function without you. I was angry, hurt, and felt insanely guilty. So, I did what I always do—used to do—I drank. I did everything I could not to think of you. And the first few times I hooked up with her, I was nowhere near sober.” He sighs and closes his eyes, so I reach out and take his hand.
“It’s okay. Keep going.”
He nods. “That’s how I could do it, by completely compartmentalizing everything. I forced myself not to think of you or Harper. But then, one night, Maddie came over for a booty call and I hadn’t been drinking. I’d spent the evening with my uncle and actually had a good time. I shouldn’t have done anything with Maddie that night, but I did. And that was the night I broke down. My uncle had told me I could stay with him as long as I wanted, but that night I chose to come home. I didn’t want to keep hiding. Not from you. And especially not from Harper.”
I lean over the arm of the chair and pull him into my arms.
“It really hurt me,” I whisper. “I thought it meant you didn’t really love me. Or had been cheating on me. I know we’ve talked about that since, but—”
