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Leigh
Asshole.I can’t believe he fucking did this. Actually, what the hell am I saying? Of course, Braden did something so stupid, childish, and reckless. Now look where we all are. The worst part? I can’t stay mad at him. How do you stay mad at someone in a medically induced coma? I’m not sure you’re allowed to do that. And even if you are, I can’t. Because the fact is, no matter how angry I’ve been at him for the decisions he’s made this last year, I still care about the jackass. He’s still my friend.
I’ve given Braden plenty of shit over the years, especially the last couple, but that’s only because I know he can take it. It’s what we do. He’s a wild card sometimes and I can be too. We connect in that way. We’re always the ones to stir up trouble, and if he turns on loud music, I’m jumping on the table to dance. I don’t want him to be lying in a hospital bed right now. Just like I don’t want to lose him. But that doesn’t mean I’m not still pissed he did something dumb in the first place.
I run my fingers through Nick’s hair. He’s been sleeping in my lap for a half hour now, and I’m hoping he’ll get a little more rest. I hate seeing him like this. Maia and Vince walk over hand-in-hand. “We’re going to grab some water and snacks. You want anything?” Maia asks weakly.
My heart is broken for her. I can’t imagine the level of pain she’s feeling right now. I slide my hand up to hers and give it a squeeze. “Why don’t you let someone else do that?”
Her eyes are soft, still red from crying. “I need a distraction. Any distraction.”
I get it. I would too. “Water and plain potato chips if you can find them.” I gesture at Nick then look at Vince. “You know, something chocolate.”
Vince gives a weak smile and nods. “Yeah. We’ll be back.”
I give Maia’s hand one last squeeze and let her go. I hate watching the people I love be in pain and not be able to do anything about it.
“You know chocolate is my stress food, huh?” Nick mumbles without opening his eyes.
“Yes, baby, I know everything about you.”
One eye opens. “Everything?”
“Yep,” I say with a firm nod. He might not believe me. I know he’s had feelings for me for a long time, but I’ve had feelings for him for a while too, and even before that, I always paid close attention.
His other eye opens, and he looks into my eyes. “All right, what am I thinking right now?”
I smile softly. I could answer playfully. But I know the depth of his thoughts. “You’re thinking about Braden. The conversation you had with him. And you’re feeling guilty. Even though you shouldn’t.” His eyes widen. “That last thing might be whatI’mthinking.”
He sits up and looks at me, lips pulling into a flat line. “I’m that obvious?”
“To me,” I say softly, running a hand over his cheek.
“I do feel guilty. The things I said—”
“Were things he needed to hear.”
“That our friendship was over?” he bites back. “No. He didn’t need to hear that. And it pushed him—”
“Don’t,” I say sharply. “Do not take on the blame for a stupid thing he did. I mean it, Nick. Your words didn’t make him drink and drive. His pain and inability to deal with it did. Yes, I fully believe we should all choose our words carefully, but don’t take on responsibility for a choice he made. Don’t let him off the hook just because this happened. When he wakes up, he’s going to need that kick in the pants to keep fighting. And you know how he’s going to know you didn’t mean it?”
He shakes his head.
“Because he’ll see you sitting there. And he’ll know your words came from hurt, came from a desire for him to be better, because you love him. He’ll know. Honestly, he probably already does.”
He looks at me, eyes serious and voice quiet. “You really think he’s going to wake up?”
Nick’s jaw trembles and I jerk forward, pulling him into my arms as if they can protect him from this pain. “He has to,” I whisper. “He just has to.”
His body shudders as he starts crying again. I press my forehead against his temple and squeeze him tighter. I need him to know how much I love him. That I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. He wraps his arms tightly around me, hands clawing into my shirt. My heart swells. The depth of love I feel for Nick is beyond anything I’ve ever felt before. It’s more than I ever imagined I’d have, than I’d ever let myself feel. But it’s impossible not to with him. It was never a matter of letting him into my heart. He snuck in there without me even noticing. It was just a matter of realizing it, accepting it.
“I love you,” I whisper.
His grip on my shirt loosens, and he slowly pulls back, looking into my eyes. Those chocolate brown eyes always draw me in. Deep and rich, I get lost in them without a thought.
“I love you, too.” He softly kisses my lips as Maia and Vince return.
Maia holds out two bags of chips. “Thought you might need an extra.”
