AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Leigh
I walk into my bedroom, not giving a fuck that Braden and Vince have now gotten a nice shot of my ass.
I grab my favorite sleep shorts and slide them on, then collapse onto my bed. I’m a fucked up combination of angry, numb, and completely shattered. I don’t know how to feel all those things at once. I don’t want to feel them at all.
Fuck this.
Nick sits down next to me and wraps an arm around me. Half of me wants to burrow into him and become one with him. The other half wants to tell him not to fucking touch me.
Maia sits down on the edge of the bed while Vince and Braden sit down on the floor. No one says a word.
The silence is grating. It makes my skin crawl.
“She overdosed,” I say, drawing everyone’s eyes to me. “You’re all afraid to ask, but that’s what happened. I don’t know why I’m surprised,” I mutter.
“I’m sorry,” Maia whispers.
“Why? It’s not like it’s your fault. It’s hers. She was weak. Just like she always has been.” I abruptly stand and start pacing across my room, causing Braden and Vince to leap apart to avoid being stepped on. “She’s never been strong enough to pull herself out of that shit, to actually stand up and fight. She wasn’t strong enough to keep me. Wasn’t strong enough to ever show up for me. Of course, she wasn’t strong enough to survive!”
Before I understand what’s happening, I’m on the floor, crying again. I slam my fist against the carpet.It’s not fair.Why did I get a dad who was so awful my mom never even told him I was conceived, and a mother so pathetic she couldn’t find her way out of the darkness?Fuck her! Fuck them both!Abuelita was the only one who I could ever count on—now she’s broken because of this.
Nick drops to his knees in front of me. He tucks my hair behind my ears, resting his palms on my cheeks and looking into my eyes. “You’re right. And you deserve better. You deserve everything.” He softly kisses my forehead and I want to melt into him, let him try to heal me. But now, more than ever, that feels like the most dangerous thing I could do.
Maia sits down next to me. “I don’t really know what to say. I have no idea how you’re feeling right now, but I know I love you. And I’m going to be here for you, no matter what.”
Those words are easy to say. I’ve said them too. But as too many people in this room know, people still leave. People who are supposed to love you still leave. What’s to stop anyone else from leaving?
Vince scooches over so he’s next to Maia and Braden crawls over to the other side of me. The five of us sit together on the floor, holding hands, just being together. This is them trying to give me all the love and support they can. I should feel comforted, but I don’t. I feel more alone than ever.
