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“I don’t want to see you die…so yes, it matters,” he raged. “What the hell was that? One minute you’re sleeping peacefully and the next you’re thrashing around and then dashing in here to be sick. You didn’t drink too much last night I know that, and you don’t do drugs. Other than being pregnant what is there?”
“I’mnotpregnant. Not this time at least,” she said as her eyes flashed with anger.
“Come on Dani…last night…you’ve never slept against me like that…”
“For good reason,” she said stopping him. Was her exhaustion from more than just his keeping her up?
“What? Do you really hate me that much that you can’t be bothered to admit that you like the way your body feels against mine even in sleep?”
“No, I don’t sleep against you or in your arms because when I do this happens.”
“What?” he asked confused. “Us arguing? That’s nothing new Dani.”
“No…this…me being sick, the nightmares…”
“You’re telling me I make you sick and cause you nightmares?” The idea that he sickened her made every bit of anger, annoyance flood him instantly. “Are you fucking kidding me? Everything’s my fault in your twisted mind, isn’t it? Nothing’s ever perfect little Dani’s fault.”
“Would you just shut up? Don’t…don’t come near me…don’t try and put your arms around me alright? I just got through one attack I don’t want another.” She cried out, collapsing in on herself more, holding up her arms to ward him off when he began to encroach on her personal space.
“Attack…I didn’t attack you, Dani.” He stared at her as she backed away from him as far as she could manage.
“Iknowthat, Luke. I’m severely claustrophobic okay…and you holding me all night long triggered something. My brain and my senses took over and all I could feel was someone closing in on me…all of this was that.”
“You’re telling me this was a panic attack?” he asked wanting to cross the room and pull her into his arms. “All of this was from me holding you? God, why didn’t you just say something before now?”
“It’s never been a real issue before…no one’s…I haven’t…not since…”
“Ah hell, no one’s held you like that since the night you were trapped in that car?”
“Two nights…two long nights where I felt like I was going to die. I’ve had attacks since then but…”
“Nothing like this. I’m sorry,” he said ignoring her arms warding him off and pulling her against him. “Hey…it’s okay. Come on Dani, it’s okay to let your guard down you know.”
“Every time I do, I get hurt.” She sighed against his chest. “I can’t live like this anymore…I can’t.”
“What does that mean?” he asked trying to keep the slim hope from his voice.
“It means I’m dying inside. Every single day we’re together I’m dying a little more. Hating you…hating our situation…pretending that we’re the perfect couple when it’s the furthest thing from the truth…it’s all too much. If I give you proof that the money’s gone…you’re not going to let me go so what’s the point?” Dani moved away from him as the tears threatened to return.
“Just tell me what happened with it. Tell me the truth and maybe, just maybe we can find a way for this to work. We’re halfway there already, your body responds every time I touch you and we’ve managed to live together for nearly three years without killing each other.”
“But you’re still going to hate me for taking it.”
“Just tell me the truth Dani, let me in. We can work on everything else after that and if you’re still unhappy, if you still feel like you’re dying…I’ll let you go, I promise,” he said and Dani knew he was telling her the truth, which made her feel worse.
She couldn’t reveal the whole truth, but maybe she could try and reorganize it a bit.
“Come on Dani, what do we have to lose?”
“Okay I’ll show you once we get home.”
“Why not now?” Luke asked wanting to end their battle and move on from this hell. He didn’t want her changing her mind, not on this.
“Because everything you need to see is there. You’re not going to believe me simply because I say so Luke, I know you. You want the proof.” And I need a little longer to set it all up, she added to herself.
“Okay, are you up for a shopping expedition or would you rather stay in?”
“You’re going to come shopping with me?” She gaped up at him, the shock showing in her eyes.
“Why not? We are in town for your birthday, and we do have appearances to keep up. Let me show you that everything between us isn’t a lie, Dani.”
“Why not then, at least I’ll have someone to carry my bags,” she said as a small smile lit her eyes bringing him the slightest glimpse of the Dani he truly wanted.
