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I admire his ability to just put it out there and not dance around what he’s feeling. It’s not easy, but in an effort to try and do the same, I offer, “It’s all good. I miss seeing you too.”
He grins broadly and that nervous flutter takes hold in my stomach once more. “How about a beer?”
I don’t even pretend to consider it. “Sounds good.”
A few moments later we’re walking into his house together. While he changes clothes, I retrieve beers from the fridge and set out some crackers and cheese, just making myself at home like I’ve been doing for a while now. I don’t allow myself to overthink my motives. He once told me I can help myself to anything, and that’s what I’ve done. However wrong it may be.
By the time he returns, I’m asking myself how I could ever imagine walking away from him and this friendship that we’ve fallen into. The need for physical contact is clawing at me and just standing there watching him move around his space makes my nerves dance happily. Once more, I force myself not to overthink my reaction. I just need to allow it to unfold naturally, which is new and damn terrifying.
When he nears me I don’t think or hesitate or second guess myself. I simply react; shoving him up against the counter with my body, palms framing his face. His eyes widen, then roll down to my lips as if he knows exactly what I want. He’s just that obstinate enough to wait me out, which I both loathe and adore.
My palms drift over the tight curve of muscles in his shoulders, down over his pecs, to the flat hardness of his belly. The catch is his breath is the first sign that I’m getting to him. The bulge behind his zipper would be the other.
“I need your mouth,” he growls, echoing the words I spoke to him the day of our first kiss. My blood sings loudly as my heart pounds a happy beat, and with each one the stress of the week and all the indecision fades away.
Leaning forward, I nibble along his slightly stubbled jaw, drawing the smell of his aftershave into my lungs. My tongue traces the scope of his lips and his mouth falls open in invitation. His barely audible groan kicks my need into high gear, and seconds later I’m taking his mouth completely with mine in a brutally intoxicating kiss that weakens my knees.
His fingers grip the edges of my shirt, one bold hand sliding down to my ass and tugging hard, so that our bodies fall together and I can now feel exactly how much he wants me. Our tongues tangle and my head grows dizzy with the surge of adrenaline and outright physical need to have this man closer to me than he’s ever been.
Fuck…what am I doing?
Wanting something—or in this case someone—this desperately can’t be good. I fear that this simple need to feel alive again may be my undoing. Kissing Merrick is one thing, but reality is that he won’t settle for first or second base forever. I have no idea what the hell two men do in bed together except the basics, and I cannot imagine going to all those taboo places without considering the bigger picture: I’ve only ever slept with women, so what makes me think I’ll evenlikebeing with a man that way?
Panicked, I disengage my mouth from his and attempt to pull away. But he’s not having any of it. He tightens his hold around me and pierces me with a hard stare. “Stop thinking. Just be with me.” Nuzzling into my neck, he places damp kisses against my skin, causing chills to drift over my entire body. “Do you have any idea how difficult it has been to keep my distance from you?” His tongue dances against my neck and heat bubbles up between us. He shifts his hips and the dizzy feeling in my head grows as I feel the hard press of his cock against mine. He pulls back, until we’re looking at one another and his hips are rolling slowly, tempting me. “Do you feel that? That’s how much I want you.” His hand slides down, between our bodies, gently cupping my erection. “And that’s how much you want me.” He gives me a gentle squeeze, then rolls his eyes and sighs with contentment. “How can this be wrong?”
Wrong is probably the last word I’m thinking now. Truth be told, with his hand on my cock there’s not much thinking going on at all. At this rate, I’m bound to make a complete ass of myself with how close I am to that blissful edge. But it feels too damn good to protest, feels too right to do anything except what I want, which is to remain in his arms, with his mouth on mine, for a good long time.
The kiss we fall into is hard, brutal, and filled with intention. Merrick retracts his hand, but the relief is short-lived. The slow roll of our hips starts again, and suddenly I can’t get enough. I hear myself moaning, pleading with him in stops and starts, garbled nonsense squeezed out when I pause to take a breath.
“Let me make you come,” he whispers between hot strokes of his tongue.
“Ah…fuck.”
My ragged curse gives him the permission his seeks. Strong fingers move deftly over my button and zipper, opening the material just enough to allow his hand to slide inside. We both groan loudly when his warm fingers touch the hot skin of my shaft, and my knees weaken at the feel of the first firm stroke he gives me.
Our heads fall together and we breathe in tandem, sharing soft kisses as he teases me toward orgasm. Our tongues entwine, then he playfully bites my lower lip and the only response I can give him is a hard thrust into his palm. I’m so lost in the blissful feeling that’s taken over my body, my mind, I can’t even breathe without telling myself to do so. It’s as if Merrick has a complete hold over me and my body; every protest I once aired now completely absent.
“Harder. Stroke harder.” He does my bidding and soon we’re one body, moving in tandem together with each punch of my hips, each stroke of his hand. His mouth finds mine again, his free hand wrapping around my neck to keep our mouths locked. A few more flicks of his tongue on mine, a handful of masterful strokes around my shaft, and I’m groaning my release, spilling into his palm.
“That’s it, baby…come for me.” I grunt and groan into his mouth, the waves of orgasm rolling over me again and again. He whispers into my ear a hot mix of words as he finishes me off and I sag against him, mindless and spent, my breath ghosting across his neck. “So beautiful. I can’t wait to get my lips around you.” I shudder at the image he paints, and take his mouth once more in mine.
As our heartbeats slow, so too do the kisses, until we’re kissing softly and he’s pulling his hand away. Lifting my head to look at him, I watch in shock as he licks one messy finger and smiles at me. “You taste amazing.” Thankfully—for the sake of my heart if nothing else—he steps aside to rinse his hand off, then turns back to dutifully tuck me in and zip me up. Eyes on mine, he whispers, “You okay?”
“Huh?” I’m rummy, zoned out and more content than I’ve been in years. It’s no wonder I can’t form actual words. The man has wrecked me.
Chuckling, he takes my hand in his and pulls me toward the couch, giving me a gentle shove. I go down like a limp noodle, looking at him standing over me and wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do now. Do I reciprocate? It’s not like it would be difficult…I do know what to expect and what to do with my hand. But how does one approach something like that with another man?My turn. Let me help you unzip. Come closer and let me jack you off.For a man with half a brain like myself, it’s no wonder I can only sit before him mute.
“Relax.” With another shove, I fall against the plush cushions, half-reclined. “Quit worrying about what happens next and just enjoy the high.”
My smile feels lazy and I have a sudden urge to snuggle. What the hell has gotten into me? It’s like I’m fifteen again and cock-whipped at the first person to show some interest.
Merrick winces as he settles on the cushion, and I admit I feel bad for the guy. The hardon he was sporting minutes ago clearly hasn’t gone anywhere. And since I’ve been where he is a time or two, I offer, “Uh…would you like me to…” I point to his crotch. “…you know….help you out.”
He grins at me, cocooning his face in my neck again. “Nah…I’m good. Don’t worry about me.” Closing my eyes, I let myself absorb how amazing it feels to have him this close. Through my sex-induced haze, my hand finds his, our fingers entwining instantly.
Whatever the hell this is between us, I’m in no hurry to let it go. Yes I’m confused…and maybe even scared shitless…but how can any part of this be wrong when it makes me feel so good? I may be going into this completely blind, but I trust that Merrick won’t lead me astray. Just like he’s done all the giving tonight, I believe fully that he will continue to give me all the time I need to relax into this relationship. More than anything, I know he’ll take care of me. He won’t let me lose myself to the pain of my past, or the hurt from a marriage I can’t seem to escape. Not anymore. He will continue to do as he’s done from the beginning….be my friend, support me, and care about me completely.
