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Grinning at him, I kick sand with my big toe and shrug. “Sometimes. Not always, that’s for sure.” I’ve had my share of good and not so good beddings with other men, so it’s fair to say that I know what works for me, what I like, and what I don’t like. But I’ve rarely felt this hard pull of attraction that I feel for Davis. I’ve wanted him since the first time I saw him. That intensity and need has only blossomed with time.
The pink flush of embarrassment has returned to his cheeks, but he stoically solders on by stating, “To be honest, I haven’t…um…I haven’t been with anyone in years. Six to be exact.”
This disclosure, while not particularly surprising, does make me sad. Regardless of the pain in his life, he and Chantal should have at some point turned to one another for support. Knowing how quickly they fell apart after Charlotte’s passing makes me realize I may never fully understand the deep pain Davis lives with every day. He not only lost his child, but his wife and his marriage and any semblance of a real life too. My heart breaks knowing the severity of pain he’s endured for so long.
“I’m so sorry.” The words sound empty compared to the reality that he’s been forced to live with for so long. It just shows me that he’s not the type of man to give up when the going gets tough. He has staying power, even if staying made him miserable. He could have very easily walked away from Chantal years ago and found someone else, but he didn’t even bother to get close to anyone until I came along. That knowledge takes my breath away and I’m humbled to have earned his trust.
“I am too. But honestly, I stopped caring about it a long time ago. What’s the point? She wants nothing to do with me or our marriage, which has been in name only for a long, long time.” Pained brown eyes meet mine. “It’s time for us to move on.”
With every word he speaks, I fall harder and deeper. It’s far too soon to speak of love, much too early to have expectations of a future together. I have to believe Davis wouldn’t be here with me now if this was just about an escape for him. He’s fought against this so much over the past few months, and every single time he comes back to me. What’s surprising is how he’s suddenly the one initiating our physical contact, when he practically sprinted away from me the first time we got close.
His need for me isn’t really the issue though. I know he wants me; he’s made that abundantly clear. But wanting me and keeping me are two very different things. I need to be clear-headed about this, and us. I need to keep my heart intact, and not allow these intense feelings of mine to take the driver’s seat. When he’s ready for something long-term, something committed, he’ll tell me. Until that happens, I’ll be waiting.
