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“You know what I mean.” I do, and I love him more for it. “But I’m worried. So is Chloe. And Gunner and Rolene too.”
“Not Jack, though.” We both know our closed off friend would never air his thoughts or concerns aloud.
Aiden chuckles. “Yeah, probably not Jack.”
“What exactly is everyone so worried about?”
He chews on his response for a few long moments, leaning forward to speak quietly. “We like the guy. We do. But we’ve all seen your response to him, just as we’ve watched him lock up tight in response to you.”
“He’s just….”
“Don’t make excuses for him, Mer. We get it. We all understand that the guy is married. What worries us all is that he’s using you to get over his relationship with his wife. Sort of as his private entertainment.”
My mouth falls open in shock, before I snarl, “So I’m just his side piece, is that it? A rebound fuck, but nothing more?”
“Dammit…you’re taking this all wrong.”
I could be. Most likely I am. But I can’t dismiss the fact that I’ve wondered the same thing once or twice. I’ve wondered if Davis is just using me until he works everything out with Chantal, or if I’m nothing more than a good shoulder for him to lean on when he’s upset. And even though I hate to admit it, I have wondered if I’m nothing more than a warm body for him to use since he’s had zero sex life in years.
I’m not happy my head has gone in that direction. Not happy at all. I don’t doubt for one minute that Davis really cares about me. What I do doubt is our staying power. I wonder what will happen when he moves into his own apartment, one that’s not right next door to me where we can conveniently see one another whenever we feel like it. I wonder how we’ll manage to see each other, and whether or not it will feel odd for him to park in front of my house instead of his own. Does he want something more from me….like a relationship? Not just one on occasion or when his calendar permits. Does he want something everlasting, long term, and is he truly willing to accept me as a boyfriend and partner?
These are all valid questions, none which can be answered while I’m sitting at lunch with Aiden. I’m well aware that Davis and I need to sit down and have a frank conversation about where he sees us in the future. I’m not looking forward to having that talk at all. I expect him to flee, to once more hide behind his pain like he’s gotten so very good at after all these years. I know I have every right to demand answers, but is now the right time? Can’t we just wait things out and take them as they come?
“Promise me one thing, okay?” Aiden pleads. I offer him only a hard stare. “Promise that you’ll be careful and keep your mind open to the possibility that he may not want the same things you want.”
I don’t need to promise Aiden anything. I’ve known from the beginning that I was far more invested in Davis than he is in me. It was easier for me, simply because I was single and unattached. I was able to see all the possibilities between us, regardless of his relationship with Chantal. I could see past his sad memories of the baby, and see how lonely he’d allowed himself to get. I could see all the truths, and yet my heart tumbled toward him without pause or hesitation.
I’m not giving up on Davis. There is so much good in what we have together, and I could never see myself walking away simply because I’m scared of a little pain. For now, I’m willing to hang in there and see what happens next; let my patience be the guide. When the impatience finally takes hold and I grow tired of waiting, that’s when I’ll know it’s time to let him go.
