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“Can I get the cheque please?” Josh smiles warmly and the waiter disappears with a silent nod.
“No, Josh.” Shaking my head, I look around and try to get the man to come back. “We don’t have to-”
“Listen, Mikaela.” He shrugs as the waiter returns, passing him his card without so much as looking at the bill. “I like you. You seem great. I would quite like to get to know you, but tonight you’re acting strange. So, let’s call it a night. I’ll take you home, we’ll say goodnight, and in the morning – if you want to see me again – you can give me a call.”
He rises to his feet, buttoning his blazer while I stare up at him, before holding a hand out for me. His jaw is clenched slightly, but he smiles as he reaches out to me.
I take his hand in my own, chewing the inside of my lip as I let him lead me through the crowd and out to the open air of the bustling city streets.
“I’m sorry.” It’s almost a whisper and I can’t bring myself to look at him.
ThedrivebacktoJamie’s is quiet as I search for the right words. Kicking myself for ruining a perfectly nice evening, I open my mouth to speak countless times, only to close it when nothing seems to come. Over and over, I try to find a way to explain that I get paranoid sometimes. I try to find a way to say that I don’t know how to feel okay anymore. I try to find a way to say anything, but instead I sit in silence.
When we pull up outside the apartment block I currently call home, my mind is still spilling with things I know I should say, but don’t know how to voice.
“It wasn’t you.” The words tumble from my lips as I open the door and Josh pauses. “Just so you know.”
He nods before slipping out of the car and making his way to my side. He holds out a hand once more and a slow sort of calm seems to wash over him, sinking into me as I stand. His fingers wrap gently around my hand and his thumb brushes over my knuckles. I focus onthat- the soothing way he touches me.
“I didn’t think it was.” His voice is calm and he smiles playfully when I glance up at him. “But it’s good to be sure.”
Slowly, he pulls my hand to his lips, his eyes remaining on mine, and presses a gentle kiss against my skin.
Gentle. Josh is gentle.
“Sleep well, Mikaela.”
As I watch him walk away and climb back into the car, I can’t help but feel like maybe I’m a fool. Sighing, I turn my back to his car and take a step towards the building when the whir of a window opening causes me to spin back.
“Hey?” He’s leaning across the passenger seat and I duck down to see him smiling one of those wide, easy smiles that steals all of my breath and all of my sanity. “I really hope you call.”
A shy smile dances over my lips when I watch him drive away and I let out a slow breath.
This is all so much harder than I anticipated it would be.
Ben
Jamie’sheadsnapsupat the sound of Mikaela’s keys in the door and my eyes flick to the clock on the wall. Only nine thirty. My stomach knots. She said late.
I watch silently as she slips her heels off and kicks them aside before walking straight to Jamie’s side. Her eyes scream with worry and I watch as Jamie opens his arms for her without hesitation.
“What happened?” He squeezes her tight as she closes her eyes and breathes in the comfort of her brother, and my heart thumps heavily. This all feels too private, too vulnerable, and I can’t help but feel uncomfortable as it unfolds in front of me.
She doesn’t want me here for this.
“I panicked,” she admits feebly, curling into his side and tucking her knees up against him.
Jamie nods when she pulls back a little to meet his eyes and a sad sigh fills the air.
“It was all so lovely, JimJam.” She shrugs as he picks up the remote and mutes the TV before he turns his attention back to her. “It was all going well and it scared me.”
I feel a twist in my stomach and get to my feet, clearing my throat as she looks up to me.
“I should go.” I try to smile, but her eyes are shimmering and I feel my heart jump to my throat. Here and now, the fine balance of our entire relationship seems threatened yet again. Some dark part of my mind seems to run its nails down my spine, drawing out a shiver of anger as her last three words echo inside me. She was scared.
She said it was lovely too,I remind myself as I take a deep breath.She said it was going well.
“You don’t have to leave on my account.” She sniffles as she pulls away from Jamie, wiping her cheeks, and I shake my head.
