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“This.” She gestures around the room and ends looking at me. “It’s just strange.” She sighs when I let go of her hand. I want to take it back; to hold it tight for my own sanity. Instead, I watch as she shrugs and looks to her feet. “You know, you don’t have to do any of this.”
I nod as I take a step back from her, my eyes darting between the living room and where she’s standing. The idea of leaving her alone for just a second is tearing at a gaping hole forming in my stomach.
“I know.” I give her a smile I know doesn’t reach my eyes when she looks to me. “Have a bath and I’ll be right out there if you need anything.”
Mikaela
When I’m alone, I peel the dress from my body, the black satin now a skin I need to shed, and drop it where I stand.
I want to burn it. I want to tear it to shreds, douse it in gasoline and light it where it lies. My chest pounds as I strip from my underwear and step into the heat of the water, flinching at first, but slowly submerging myself into the sting, welcoming the sensation as it burns the layer of skinhetouched.
I feel my blood rise to the surface, the burning red of me beneath the water, and I lower myself until my shoulders are under and I am nothing but a face in a cloud of bubbles.
I close my eyes and listen to the pour of the water as waking nightmares plague my mind.
One Hour Ago
“I don’t see this working.” I shake my head as a chasm of anxious energy tears at my stomach, my voice lowering to just a whisper while Josh stares at me with expectant eyes.
There’s something familiar in that look, something unsettling, and my mouth goes dry.
I will not do this again.
“Why?” He lifts an eyebrow, a smirk settling on his lips, and I know he believes he can talk me out of walking away. I know he has the words ready, the apologies and the promises and the sweet whispers. But he doesn’t know I’ve heard them all before.
“I think -” I force myself to look at him as I speak ”- that we are just too different, Josh, and I - I’m sorry but I just don’t want to keep pretending.” I watch with bated breath as the hair on the back of my neck stands on end. He purses his lips and nods silently - a reaction I wasn’t expecting. “I should probably head home.”
I lift my fingers as the waiter glances to us both and pulls the small tablet he uses for orders from his apron as he approaches.
Josh frowns.
My head is foggy and my balance unsettled.
In trying to build up my courage I drank too much.
Present
I lean forwards and shut off the tap.
My cheeks are damp.
I’m not sure if it’s from the steam or tears but I don’t care.
I’m exhausted.
Pulling my knees to my chest and closing my eyes again I press my knuckles against my lips, clamping down as my cries threaten to resurface and memories, both old and new, twist and contort into one torturous stream.
Three Years Ago
I shake my head as I bite back my tears, my hands shaking as he stalks towards me and I stumble backwards, crying out when I step on shattered glass.
All around me are remnants of the meal I had prepared; across the walls, spilled over the floor; ruined.
I feel the blood pooling beneath my foot as I stand in the sea of shattered crystals. Mom’s wine glasses.
“Matty.” His name is a plea, a desperate shred of hope before the inevitable. “I wasn’t going to take the job. He was just being a nice neighbor. I promise.”
His breath is hot on my face, the whiskey burning my eyes as he brushes against me, his fingers wrapping roughly around my neck and holding me tight. I gasp when he squeezes, my tears falling quickly as he pushes me backwards, tearing my feet from the floor and slamming me against the wall.
