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Chapter thirteen
Present
Mikaela
There isn’t much to do other than sit and chat, but I feel lighter somehow just being here. A cool breeze dances over us as we sit on the grass, leaving goose bumps where it brushes past me, and the rustle of branches overhead is a constant reminder of the life that surrounds us.
As I lay on my stomach, my arms folded and my cheek resting against them, I watch Jamie excitedly and animatedly share memories with Ben; from the first time Ben visited our home, arrogant and self-assured even as a child, to the times our mother had stormed into bars and pulled both underage boys out by the back of their shirts. Those ones are my favourite. Especially when they make Ben throw his head back like he has now.
His laughter rings out loud and I close my eyes. Listening, I loose myself in the musicality of it that I haven’t heard before - a rise and fall in the cadence and pitch that sounds like a spring celebration - and the lure of rest pulls me into a gentle darkness as I slip in and out of peace.
Ben
I glance towards Mikaela. Her arms are tucked up beneath her cheek and her hair is brushed out behind her. She dozed off an hour ago and in her sleep she’s peaceful. I take a second to appreciate that.
“So,” I mumble, turning my attention back to my best friend who is watching me with cautious eyes. “Josh pulled out of the deal?”
Jamie sighs and runs a hand over his face. Disappointment is a stale smell in the air. “Yeah. His agent said it was about the money, but I think -”
“Yeah.” I cut him off with a tight nod. Neither of us has to say it - no one has to announce that Josh pulled from the deal because of Mik - but Jamie is looking at her with so much sadness that I can almost taste the saltiness of tears. “Why aren’t you saying this to her?” I glance back to her and frown. Her breathing is too even and her lips are too tight. She isn’t asleep anymore. “Maybe she could tell you what happened.”
Mikaela’s shoulders tense ever so slightly.
At least she knows that was meant for her.
“Look Ben, Mik has her own stories to tell and her own demons to fight. She wasn’t keen on dating anyone for a while and I pushed her towards Josh. If shit went bad that’s on me, not her.”
I suck in a harsh breath as the weight of Jamie’s words hangs over me. This. This is why Mikaela asked me to come today. She doesn’t want to be alone with Jamie and this is why she doesn’t want to tell him. Although Jamie’s words are just an assessment of a failed signing, I can’t help but hear them the way Mikaela definitely heard them: Jamie set her up with a man who hurt her. He pushed her towards a man who pinned her down and touched her when she cried. The guilt of that would destroy him.
“I understand.” I say it for her, not for Jamie. And I do. I understand and I won’t make her talk about it to anyone, not if she doesn’t want to. “But you know, whatever happened with them, I can guarantee it’s all on him. It’s not on you. It’sdefinitelynot on her. Shit, if someone doesn’t know how good they’ve got it with Mik then that’s on them.”
I see the corner of her lip tug up in a smile just as Jamie whacks my head.
“Stop fucking simping for my sister, you dick.”
I laugh loudly as Mik stifles a giggle and Jamie’s eyes dart to her.
“Is she awake?” He shifts where he’s sitting, leaning over to her slightly.
“Doubtful,” I shove him back, covering for her eavesdropping and saving her from what I’m sure would be an awkward conversation. “Now stop hitting me when I compliment your sister, okay? I didn’t mean anything by it.” Jamie scowls at me and I grin. “What the hell is simping anyway?”
Jamie’s answering smile is amused. “Fuck if I know. Some kid we signed last year used it in a book and honestly, I still don’t think I used it right. Ever realise we’re pretty old?”
I grin at my best friend. “Nope. I’m young at heart.”
“Whatever, douche.” Jamie laughs as he pushes himself up to his feet. “This old man is cold. I’m gonna grab a blanket from the car. Need anything?”
“I’m alright.” I shake my head with a smile and watch as Jamie makes his way back through the thick of headstones, towards where he parked.
Once he’s out of earshot I turn to her and lay myself down, facing her in the grass.
“I get it, Mik.”
Her eyes flutter open and the shimmer of unshed tears greets me. “Yeah?”
I nod, moving a hand to brush her hair out of her eyes, and pause as my fingers rest against her cheek. “I wish you’d tell someone, but I get why you won’t. I won’t try to make you.”
Her eyes close again as we lay face to face in the silence, and she sighs. “Thank you, Ben.”
