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It’s comments like that and her unwavering confidence in me that make it even more difficult to stop thinking about her. Honestly, ever since the other night when I picked her and Em up at the sorority house, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her.
Just like now, the way she’s standing in front of me, shyly fidgeting with the buttons on her cardigan, she’s beautiful. Effortlessly so.
My hands itch to run down the ample curves of her hips. Holland isn’t rail thin by any means, and I know from having her at my house twenty-four-seven since we were kids, she’s always been self-conscious about her weight.
When she was a freshman, I broke a kid's nose because he called her a cow. There was nothing remotely unattractive about her body. Not in the slightest. She’s a fucking knockout, and I guess I never allowed myself a second glance at her since she’s Emery’s best friend, but now, I can’t seem to stop looking at her.
She’s wearing a pair of yoga pants that flare at her hips and hug her ample curves. I’m captivated, and I need to get my head on straight.
“Reed?”
My eyes drag up to hers, and she’s looking at me curiously.
Busted.
“Yeah?”
“I asked if you thought of a plan yet? Where’s Evan going to go to school?”
The thoughts that I most definitely should not be having are all but vanished by her question.
"Fuck,” I pause, dragging my hands through my hair and down my face and beard, “I don't know what I'm going to do, Holland. Hockey is my job. I have to get back on the ice, but I can't leave him here while I'm on the road for six months out of the year. The kid’s been through hell and back. He's probably traumatized at this point. Imagine someone new, someone different, yet again, coming in and throwing his world out of whack. I need to build a relationship with him, bond with him. It’s the most important thing.” I walk over to the fridge and pull a water out for each of us then set one in front of her. “I wish there was a handbook for this shit. An easy manual that told me exactly what to do.”
"I'm pretty sure every parent wishes for that. I think that you have an awesome support system, and you do know kids. Even if it's not raising one full-time by yourself, you have lots of practice with Ari and Kennedy."
I nod. Fuck, she's right. It just doesn't feel that way right now. It feels overwhelming and exhausting, and like every move I make is going to be the wrong one.
Holland reaches out and places her hand over mine on the bar. "Don't be so hard on yourself. Trust your gut."
Her phone vibrates and she pulls it from her purse and mutters a curse. “I’m sorry, Reed, I have to go. I think my Dad’s up. The camera is going off.”
“Go, you’ve done more than enough here. Thank you. For tonight.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Reed. He just… he needs someone to love him right now. He might not fully understand what’s happening, but he knows that he’s had to leave his home and that he hasn’t seen his parents. It’s just going to be a lot of learning and a lot of healing. For both of you.” She hops down from the stool and grabs her purse, throwing it over her shoulder.
"Be careful. I'm gonna come by tomorrow and look at the furnace. I talked to Em and she mentioned that you were having trouble with it. Her and Ma want to take Evan to get some clothes and spend time with him, so I'll have a few free hours to stop by."
"No, Reed, you have too much going on. It's okay. I can call a handyman."
"I'm coming by. It's the least I can do. I'll see you tomorrow, kay?"
I walk her to the door and she walks out as soon as I open it.
“Bye Reed.”
Her light, ocean-colored eyes shine in the pale glow of night, and she gives me a shy smile before waving and getting into her car.
When I brought Evan home tonight, I didn’t know what to expect. Hell, I still don’t. But after the conversation with Holland and hearing her confidence in me, I feel like I can handle this. It won’t be easy, but I’ve never been someone to give up when things get hard.
It’s the one thing I learned from the man whodidn’traise me.
