AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I knew I was unprepared when I made the decision to be his guardian; hell, it was one of the things I struggled with, the idea of fucking it up. I’m still scared to death, and man enough to admit it. Seeing him smiling and happy, though, thriving despite the situation he’s been thrown into, makes it all worth it.
We are taking it one day at a time.
“Yes, bud, it’s a ship. Do you wanna go on it?”
Evan nods enthusiastically, and Holland grins then holds out her hand. He slides his hand in hers, and we walk over to the ticket line.
After a few minutes wait, we’re walking across the breezeway, boarding the ship. The wind causes the boat to rock gently, and Evan freezes. I can feel how still he becomes when the wood under our feet shifts slightly.
He immediately erupts into tears, and grabs onto my leg for dear life.
“Buddy, it’s okay. It’s okay,” I say, trying to soothe him.
It only seems to make him cry harder. His grip on my leg is surprisingly tight for a toddler and I wince as he inches higher and higher, practically climbing my leg.
Holland doesn’t even blink, she kneels down beside us both and gets on Evan’s level. She places a soothing hand on his back and rubs gently. “Evan, it’s okay. You’re safe. Remember how brave Pickles makes you?”
He sniffles but buries his head into my jeans and stays silent. She looks up and gives me a small smile, reassuring me that it’s going to be okay. I’m as panicked as he is. That’s the thing about becoming Evan’s guardian, I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know how to expertly diffuse any given situation. I don’t know a lot of things, and every day that passes I learn new things. About both him and me. Parenting doesn’t come with a handbook, even though I wish like fuck it did, but isn’t that what makes you a good one, the fact that you learn from every situation thrown your way? You take your mistakes and learn from them?
That’s all I can hope for. To be the kind of parent that my father never was.
I pull his arms from my legs and squat down next to Holland. Evan looks at me through tear-filled eyes. His death grip on Pickles hasn’t lessened but at least he’s looking at me.
“Buddy, can I tell you a secret? One that I haven’t ever told anyone? My biggest secret?”
Evan looks from me to Holland then nods.
“When I was little, I had bad dreams. Just like you do. I was so afraid of the dark, I’d lie awake staring at the ceiling all night. But you know what? My mom once told me that being brave comes from in here.” I press against his heart and he looks down at my finger. “Yep. Your brave in here, Evan. No matter what you face, no matter how scary it is. All you have to do is remember how brave you are in your heart.”
Holland’s eyes soften and she continues to rub Evan’s back as he calms.
“I can be brave,” Evan mumbles.
“Youarebrave, buddy. It’s okay to be afraid sometimes because you have me, and together, we can be brave. We can face anything.”
Even though we’re standing in the middle of a boat dock, probably blocking everyone behind us, it doesn’t matter. It all fades away because in this moment, Evan needed us.
He needed the reassurance that everything would be okay and that he was safe. And no matter where we go, or where we are, I will always stop to make sure he feels safe and protected.
Now that he’s calmed down, the tears have dried, and he’s seemingly okay, he surprises me when he leaps forward and throws his arms around my neck, squeezing tightly.
“I wuv you, Weed.”
Jesus, someone’s cutting onions again. My heart constricts in my chest with something I never thought I’d ever experience. I lift my arms and wrap them around his tiny body, and we stay like that. Embracing. Me fighting back misty eyes, and Holland gazing at us with tears in hers.
“I love you too, buddy.”
We spend the rest of the day on the enormous replica of a ship, and thankfully, Evan has a great day. He laughs and plays, and the tears are a thing of the past. No more meltdowns. If anything, he seems lighter.
It’s a good day.
The best day I’ve had in a long time, really.
Evan and Holland somehow talk me into wearing a pirate hat for a photo and all I can think about is how the guys are going to talk so much shit when they see it, but I don’t even care. It made him happy, and that’s all that matters. I’d wear an entire damn pirate costume if that’s what it took to make him smile.
We’re sitting at an Italian restaurant nestled right in the heart of Boston. It’s quaint and cozy but still bursting with patrons. The place is boisterous, the wine is aged to perfection, and the food is mouthwatering. It’s also only a few blocks over from our hotel, which makes getting back easier.
Our flight was set to leave tonight, but after the day we had, we both decided to reschedule it for tomorrow. Holland was able to talk to her dad’s nurse and ask her to stay an additional day, and it isn’t like I had anything pressing I had to rush home to. Evan was having a blast and I’d seen him smile more in the past day than I have since he’s been with me. I wanted to hold on to that.
