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Juliet gives him a quick kiss then leaves us guys to put together the furniture.
“Still can’t believe you guys are waiting to find out the gender until it’s time. I need to know.”
He laughs. “It’s what she wants, and I’m fine doing whatever she wants. Either way, as long as the baby is healthy, that’s all that matters to me. Now the girls? They’re a different story. They ask us at least twice a day if we’ll tell them. Ari tried to bribe me with hugs, but I told her I’m stronger than that.”
“I am not surprised.”
“So, how are things going with Evan and Holland?”
Shit, right to the good stuff.
“Evan is an awesome kid. I love spending time with him. He peed on the pot-,” I stop myself, “toilet today for the first time. It felt like a real victory.”
I feel some weird shit in my chest when I think about Ev and the stuff he’s overcome just since we met. His nightmares have already slowed down to almost a complete stop now that I got him a nightlight that puts sea figures on the ceiling, and we do, not one, but three stories before bed. He loves anything about the jungle or sea. Big adventures and hell, I love making them up every night to tell him. Not that I can take credit for the nightlight thing. Holland went above and beyond to make a space for Evan where he felt like… Him. Knowing he’s obsessed with the ocean and most sea creatures, she made his room into an underwater adventure so that each time he steps foot inside, he looks around in awe.
It didn’t really dawn on me how ingrained in our lives Holland has become. We’ve fallen into a routine that’s comfortable and I’ve gotten used to it.
“Why do you have that look on your face?” Liam asks, brow furrowed in confusion.
“What look? I don’t have a look?” I mutter. I’m lying, and judging by the look on his face, he knows it too.
“Don’t even. What are you not telling me?”
“Nothing.”
Liam throws a bag of screws at me, hitting me right in the face. He picks up a screwdriver next and I throw my hands up in surrender.
“Fine, fuck, fine. This face is the moneymaker, watch it.”
“You’re an idiot.” Liam laughs. “Now tell me what the hell you’re hiding. Oh shit, it’s Holland, isn’t it? That’s why you’re suddenly being all tight-lipped.”
Shit.
“It’s complicated.”
This time Liam throws his head back and laughs, the deep chuckle echoing off the empty nursery walls.
“Isn’t it always? Juliet and I had a complicated thing too and look at us now. Spill.”
Sighing, I drag my hand through my unruly mess of hair and look at him. “We set these stupid fucking rules that were supposed to keep things easy. Uncomplicated. Yet, all we did was make a damn mess. And she’s perfectly fine with keeping things how they are, but I can’t stop thinking about her. It’s like every single thing I do, all I can think about is Holland.”
“You love her,” Liam says simply.
“Woah, that’s a very strong word. Too strong. I mean, I don’t even know how to love someone.”
“Bullshit. You love your ma, Emery, Evan. What about Ari and Kennedy? You have loved them since the day they were born. How about all those times you showed up, Reed? The birthday parties you helped me put together, the days where I had to work late and you picked them up for me?” He pauses, and I can see the sincerity in his eyes. It causes my heart to squeeze, and I’m man enough to admit it. Liam and these girls are as much my family as Ma and Emery, and they always have been. They all give me a purpose in life. Being their uncle. And now… Evan and Holland give me purpose. Just in a terrifying, different way.
“I’m fucking terrified, man. Love? Love is the scariest thing in the damn world. It makes you vulnerable.”
“You’re right. That’s what love does. It splits you open, leaves you raw. It's scary giving someone else the ability to hurt you. But Reed, Juliet is the best thing that ever happened to me, and you know that. She’s made me a better man, and I love her so fucking much that I’d do anything in this world for her. Yeah, it was scary to put myself out there and say please love me the way I love you, but if I didn’t then I wouldn’t have the love of my life, or my family.” He stops talking, tearing his gaze from mine and looking down at the baby bed in front of him, then back at me. “Sometimes you just have to push that fear aside and live. You once told me that if I let her walk away, it would be the biggest mistake of my life. Take your own advice.”
“She’s amazing, and God, I’m crazy about her, but I don’t want to hurt Emery. I don’t want to ruin the friendship that they share. She’d never forgive me. It’s part of the reason we made the stupid rules in the first place.”
He shakes his head. “You really think Em is gonna care that you fell in love with her best friend?
“Knowing Em and the fact that she threatened me bodily harm for even looking at Holland, probably. But I think she’d get over it… eventually.”
“I think you need to talk to Holland. Tell her how you feel. Be honest. There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable and putting yourself out there.”
I nod.
He’s right. I need to talk to Holland, and I need to be upfront with her about how these fucking rules aren’t working for me anymore.
Not when all I want is to make her mine, and only mine. To have her in my arms every night, to come home to her after days on the road. I fucking love her.
And I have the perfect plan to tell her.
