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When I pull my truck into Ma’s driveway and put it in park, I let out a deep breath and step out.
I can fucking do this.I walk up the drive and to the front door then knock, before opening it.
“Ma? Emery?” I call. I kick my shoes off at the door, because that’s all I need, two angry Davidson women. Ma will beat my ass if I track dirt in her house.
I walk around the corner into the living room and see Emery perched on the couch, looking as rough as I fucking feel.
Her hair is in a knot on the top of her head, with strands flying in twenty different directions. Her mascara is smeared down her cheeks. The rims of her eyes are red and puffy, like she’s been crying. She’s in her pajamas on the couch with candy boxes surrounding her.
“What are you doing here?” she mutters, not taking her gaze off the tv. I glance at the big screen and realize she’s watchingOne Tree Hill.
Jesus, I really fucked up.One Tree Hillis Emery’s comfort show. If that shit’s on, then something irreparably bad has happened. How do I know this? Oh, you know, growing up in a house with two women, I’ve been subjected to more torture than you can imagine over the years. I should’ve brought Starbucks.
“Em.” I speak her name quietly.
Her red-rimmed eyes flick to mine before she rolls them. “Fine. Sit.”
I walk over and flop down next to her, stealing the box of gummy worms out of her hands. She cuts her eyes at me then sighs.
The candy reminds me of Holland and causes an ache in my chest. Fuck, I miss her.
“You look like shit,” Emery says too cheerily.
“Feel like shit too.” I grunt.
We sit in silence, both of us staring at the tv.
“You know, you could’ve just told me.” She looks over at me. “About you and Holland.”
"Em, you would’ve murdered me in my sleep. Literally.”
Emery shrugs, popping another gummy worm in her mouth. “Ishouldmurder you in your sleep now, for lying to me and hiding shit from me. She’s my best friend, Reed. And I fucking know you. You have a track record for breaking hearts, and Holland is too good. She’s too pure to be tainted by your manwhore ways.”
Her words hurt, a little. But only because they’re fucking true. Before Holland, and before Evan… I was different. I drank too much, partied even more, and spent more nights with women whose names I can’t even remember to this day. I always respected them by being upfront about what they would get when they were with me, but it was nothing more than a one-night kind of thing.
I’ve never been in a relationship, never been in love. That’s how I know what I feel for Holland is real, and fuck is it genuine. There’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for her.
“I love her, Em,” I say quietly. It feels unreal to say the words out loud to Emery, but fuck, it’s a weight off my chest. Because even if Holland decides to never pick up the phone for me again, I’ll always love her.
She sits up straight and looks at me with wide eyes. “You love Holland?”
I nod. “Fuck, I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll fuck this up and do something that hurts her. I’d rather jump in front of a moving truck than ever hurt her. Not like being with another woman because she’s it for me. But, not giving her everything that I can. What if I end up like Dad?”
Em takes my hand. “Reed Davidson, don’t ever say that again. I am pissed off at you more than I’ve ever been in my life and I can still say that you are twice the man that he will ever be. You have been the best big brother my entire life. Picked up all of the pieces he left behind. You are nothing like him.”
“She taught me how to love, Em. It’s not like we conspired behind your back to hurt you. You know how much that girl loves you? She would give me up in a heartbeat if it meant keeping you. She left. The next morning when I woke up, she was gone. Uber'ed back to the city. Left a note and said she needed space, to please not contact her. I feel like I’m fucking dying.”
I sit up and drop my head into my hands, running my hand through the mop on my head.
“Holy shit, you really do love her,” Emery murmurs in a shocked, hushed tone. “I never thought I’d see the day that someone knocked you on your ass and it just so happens to be my best friend. I’m mad, but damn, I’m kinda proud.” She turns toward me and pulls her knees up to her chest before speaking again. “Reed, I don’t care if you’re in love with Holland. I mean, I’m happy for you guys. I just… it hurt me so bad that you both lied to me, and hid this from me. Why wouldn’t you just tell me?”
Fuck, when she says it like that I feel like a total asshole. Even more so now.
“Em, Holland was terrified that you would hate her, and I didn’t want to hurt you, especially for something that started as a temporary arrangement.” When she winces and scrunches her nose, I laugh. “Sorry. At first it was supposed to be casual, just hooking up, and then… it wasn’t. I fell in love with her, even though it was against the rules.”
“Rules?”
“We made a list of rules that were supposed to keep things simple, and it did anything but keep shit simple. If anything, it complicated everything. I’m sorry for keeping it from you, Em. I know Holland is too. It was important to Holland that you didn’t get hurt because of it, and I’m sorry that it blew up in our faces, and you had to find out this way. But I’m not sorry for loving her. We planned that night that we were going to tell you, and then it all went to shit before we could.”
