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Swinging the door open, I'm shocked to see Maddison standing on the other side. She's wearing her hair down today in loose curls, and the only makeup she has on is gloss over her plump lips. I can't help but still notice those things about her. The pink shirt she has on dips modestly on her chest, revealing her cleavage that I desperately try not to notice, paired with dark jeans and sandals.
I drag my eyes back up to hers and say, "Hi."
"Hi," a small smile graces her lips, "Uh, I was wondering if we could talk for a minute?"
I nod, opening the door farther for her to step inside.
"Where's Olive?" I ask.
"She's with Ty and Kyle for an uncle date. I figured that we should talk alone, and they wanted to take her to the park."
Side by side, we walk over to the couch and sit. More than ever, I wish things weren't like this, so I could wrap her in my arms.
"I saw your post," I say before she can speak.
Her throat bobs as she swallows, and like always when she's nervous, she picks at the polish on her nails. "I was hoping that you would."
I nod. "Reed sent it to me this morning."
"Briggs...I don't know where to start. I feel like nothing I say is adequate, but I need to say it anyway." She takes a deep breath, glancing down at her hands before her eyes meet mine again. "I didn't mean to fall in love with you. It was an accident, and even though I told myself I wouldn't, I did anyway. I had no choice in the matter, honestly, my heart was yours long before I even realized it. At first, I wasn't going to tell you. What was the point? We were just co-parenting, and we made the decision not to have a romantic relationship, so I didn't want to bring up the past. At that point, I had taken a step back fromThe Puck Bunnybecause I was a new mama, and the last thing I wanted to do was rock the boat between us."
She pauses, swiping away a tear before continuing, "Then, the next thing I knew, we were on this slippery slope ofmore, and I knew that I would have to tell you. Once we decided to explore things between us, there was no doubt that I was going to be honest with you, but I was scared. I made excuses about timing and interruptions, our relationship being new because I was terrified to lose you, and part of me didn’t even want to admit that to myself. I was a coward, and that’s the truth.” I watch as her throat bobs, and she speaks again. “I should have known your heart, but I was so afraid to lose you that I put off telling you, thinking there would be a perfect time, that I could figure out how to make this hurt less and in the end, all I did was hurt you more, and for that, I’m so unbelievably sorry. I love you, Briggs, I love you so much, and the thought of hurting you makes my stomach twist into knots. I thought you would hate me and never be able to forgive what I had done. "
"Maddison, I would never hate you,” I say quietly, steeling my jaw. The thought of her actually believing that makes my own stomach hurt. Angry or not, I could never hate her.
"I just knew that the moment I told you, you would leave. Briggs, I don't have a huge family. I have my grams and Tyler and Kyle. Then, I had Olive and you. And that's enough for me because I’m surrounded by people who love me unconditionally, and the thought of losing you." Her voice breaks, gutting me even further. "I was a coward, and I shouldn’t have let my own insecurities come in between us. I'm sorry, more than you could possibly know. And that post? It wasn’t about just asking you to forgive me, it was about making sure that I made things right, not just for you, but for everyone else. I owed it to everyone to be honest. I hope you can forgive me, but if you can’t, I still needed to take responsibility for my actions."
Her voice is barely above a whisper, and I want to reach out and wipe the tears from her cheeks.
"Fuck, Ihateseeing you cry," I say honestly.
Which only makes her cry harder. She covers her mouth, stifling a sob.
"Can you ever forgive me? Can we ever fix this?”
Silence settles between us for a moment, before I reach out and slide my arms around her shoulders, hauling her to me.
She stiffens for a moment, taken by surprise at my sudden embrace, but I just hold her tighter.
Hearing her cry, hearing the raw pain and heartache in her voice, made me fucking sick, and I couldn't stand another second of it.
The honest to God truth is in the past week, I’ve thought more about my life in the past three years than I have ever done before. Kinda hard not to when you’re forced to step back and confront all of the shit you had been shoving down deep inside.
Yeah, I’ve changed, and all of it had to do with the catalyst that was my brother. His betrayal.
But I still hadn’t let it go, not deep down where it was buried, only resurfacing at times like this.
After talking to Reed, I realized that Maddison didn’t keep this from me to hurt me. To deceive me or to betray me in any way, no.
She’s not Beau, and it was time that I stopped comparing everyone to him, because at the end of the day…. he’s the only one responsible for his actions, and I can’t automatically assume that every person that has my trust will break it with bad intentions. People will make mistakes, no one is perfect, but that still doesn’t make them Beau.
Not when I’m surrounded by good people who have shown me true friendship, loyalty, and love.
And it’s times like these when those traits ring true.
Reed helped me work through my hurt and helped me sort through a way to deal with it, to accept it, and to realize that not everyone I love will break me the way that my brother did.
Maddison held the truth from me because she didn’t want to hurt me.
