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"Yeah, me either. She’s amazing, dude. I can’t wait for you guys to come meet her.”
Reed nods. “Us too. We told Evan about her, and he’s so excited. Now, Holland’s been talking babies for the past three days, and I’m a little worried because I just got the hang of potty-training, man.”
He looks a little panicked, and I laugh out loud, seeing as how it’s exactly how I’ve felt since the moment Olive took her first breath, but for totally different reasons.
“It comes naturally, it’s like... I don’t know, the second I laid eyes on her the trajectory of my life just shifted. I know that probably sounds insane, but nothing feels the same. I feel like a better man, just knowing that she exists in the same world that I do. That she’s mine.”
Reed slaps me on the back and pulls me into a hug. The guy knows no personal space, but this time, I let him. Briefly. Chalking it up to the overload of emotional shit I’ve had coursing through me.
“Wow, if you two aren’t the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”
I pull back and see Graham and Asher strolling up to where we’re standing, wide grins on both their faces. If there’s one thing about Graham, it’s that he’s got impeccable fucking timing.
“Let’s do this.”
We walk through the huge double doors into what seems like a whole new fucking world.
The blinding fluorescent lights are bright enough to give me a damn headache and there’s more shit for kids than I think I’ve ever seen in my entire life, further overwhelming me.
“Holy shit,” Asher mutters.
“No kidding,” Graham agrees then strolls over to the shopping carts and grabs one. “Definitely going to need one of these. Actually, you know what, Asher grab one, we’ll probably need two.”
He sounds way too giddy, like a kid in a candy store, instead of a hockey player in a baby superstore.
“Where do we start?” Asher asks, a second cart in hand.
“Fuck if I know. Babies eat, I know that.”
Reed scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, but is Olive breastfed or formula fed?”
Oh shit, he’s right.
“Breast.”
I try not to think about Maddison’s tits in the middle of the store, but fail, miserably. My desire for her seems to have only heightened in the last few days. She’s so fucking incredib-”
“Lover boy. Focus,” Reed barks.
Graham and Asher look at each other and smirk.
“Clothes. That’s where we’ll start.”
“Lead the way, sir.”
Two hours later, we’re standing in the stroller section of the store with both shopping carts completely loaded down, while Graham battles with some kind of stroller contraption that converts from a car seat into the stroller.
I’m beginning to realize just how in over my head I am. There are so many different types of fucking foods. Different stages. Organic. Gluten free. Regular plastic forks, and BPA free. Fuck, don’t even get me started on the different kind of bottle brushes. How many different ways could you possibly have to clean a bottle? A fuck ton. That’s how many.
“You okay?” Reed asks quietly as we watch Graham all but wrestle the thing to the floor. His face is turning red, and he’s huffing and puffing like he’s doing a workout. Pretty sure there’s a red lever at the bottom, or at least that’s what the instructions on the sign say, but I’d rather see him lose his shit, trying to figure it out. Much more entertaining.
“Bit overwhelmed. Reed, I’m going to fuck this up. Just like I do everything else. You know it, I know it. I just don’t ever want to let her down or disappoint her. I mean, not just in the future… hell, I’m sure she’s seen the news, Twitter or gossip sites. Half the shit is true, but half of it isn’t. She probablyisworried about what kind of father I’ll be when everything she’s seen probably has her questioning what kind of man I am. Fuck, I sat the bench for almost a year. I can’t believe they didn’t drop me. I lost every single endorsement I had because I became a liability. I don’t want to be a liability to her. I want to show her that I’m not that man anymore, and I’m a better person, all because of that shit that I went through.”
“Nah, man, you got this. Don’t let the past fuck up the gift you’ve been given. Yeah… things were rocky for a while, but nobody’s perfect. What matters is that you changed. You realized where things went wrong and you turned everything around. I’m proud to call you my brother, Briggs. I believe in you; you’ve just got to believe in yourself. Maddison will see exactly the man that you are, and the past won’t matter.”
I nod, shuffling from one foot to the other. My past and the people in it will never touch my daughter, that much I’m sure of. It’s been a long time coming, but I need to let it all go and move on.
“Fuck,” Graham grunts, kicking the wheel of the stroller with his foot.
