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Nineteen
“So…he just kissed you? Just like that?” Tyler gasps through the speaker of the phone. His voice has risen an octave since I began telling him what happened with Briggs.
“Yes, just like that. God, Ty, what do I do? This is a literaldisaster.”
It’s been three days, and I haven’t stopped thinking about the kiss. Or Briggs. Or Briggs kissing me while naked, and wet in the sho-
“Mads!”
Tyler’s voice brings me out of my daydream and back to the present, and I groan. Jesus, this is getting out of hand. One kiss, and now suddenly I’m losing my mind and daydreaming like a lovesick teenager.
“Sorry, what?”
“You were so thinking about him, weren’t you?” I can practically see the smirk on Ty’s face through the phone by the tone of his voice. He is loving this.
“No, I was thinking about changing Olive’s diaper. Wanna come volunteer?”
“Pfft. I’ve been waiting for Uncle day. You’re being an Olive hog.”
Speaking of Olive, she babbles on her tummy on her playmat on the floor. She’s doing so great holding up her head, and with her hand and eye coordination. It’s bittersweet how quickly she’s growing.
“Mommy’s sweet girl. I am so proud of you,” I coo, rising from the floor, then flopping down onto the couch, face-first, next to her.
Dramatic, I know. But this situation calls for theatrics.
My baby daddy is determined to kill me. Literally. After our tumble in the shower, go figure me being a klutz, right, he’s kept things strictly platonic and put the ball in my court.
And I didn’t expect to… want more. After that day. It’s like I was so busy being Olive’s mom that I had buried my feelings inside of me to protect myself and Olive…. And Briggs. Unintentionally, things I did hurt him, and when I tell him… he’ll hate me. How will he ever forgive me when he holds so much anger and resentment for the media and for all those who betrayed him? The people who were supposed to love him.
There’s an internal war raging on inside of me, with my heart saying one thing and my head saying another. At this point, who knows what’s right.
“It was the best kiss of my life, even better than before, I think, and now... I can’t stop thinking about it.” I let out a ragged sigh that’s partially smothered by the pillow I’m face down in.
"Are you afraid because you think that he’ll no longer want you, or because of Olive?” Tyler asks quietly.
The truth? Both. I’m terrified about damaging the relationship we’ve established while co-parenting Olive because it’s been so easy, and so… compatible on all fronts. I never want our romantic relationship to come between his relationship with Olive. He’s an amazing dad.
It’s only one of the reasons I asked to keep things strictly Olive. I knew from prior experience that my heart is defenseless from Briggs Wilson. I fell like putty that night, even though I knew I should’ve stayed away.
And the fact that when I tell him, he’ll hate me for it.
“I’m afraid that being honest will cause him to leave and I don't want that Ty, I want him here.… I want him with Olive and me. And what if we date and then break up and we can't stand the sight of each other? I've seen with colleagues and friends, where co-parenting has been damaged because of a relationship. I just… I have to tell him Ty, I can’t continue to keep this from him, not when things are changing, into more,” I whisper, like he’s standing in the other room and could overhear it.
“Listen, babe, no one can tell you what to do in this situation, you have to do what you feel in your heart. It seems like you’ve already decided that you have to tell him because it’s what you feel is right. It’s okay to be scared but stay true to who you are. Think about the end game, and what will happen with what you choose.”
“I am scared, Ty. I never expected for things to get so...tangled, and out of hand. I feel like no matter which way I go, I’ll hurt him. Either decision that I choose.”
“Look, I’m not saying that you should commit to anything right at this moment. I’m just saying… think about the future. Think about what you need to do to make the situation right for both of you. I love you, Madds."
Sighing, I flip onto my back and glance at Olive, who’s still babbling on her mat. “I love you, too, Ty. Thanks for the advice. Have a good day at work, we’ll get dinner this weekend, kay?”
“You bet. Give Olive a kiss for me. Love you!”
“Love you.”
We disconnect, and I feel even more confused than before. For the rest of the night, I weigh the options in my head, until there’s a knock at the door, and inevitably, the scales tip in favor of my heart.
When I swing open the front door, Briggs is standing on the other side, wearing a dark charcoal button-down, with a black sport coat and dark slacks. The color of his shirt makes his grey, steely eyes seem even more striking. So much depth, that staring into them, you seem to drown in him.
