AllFreeNovel
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I remember a specific night where I drank probably two fifths of whiskey, was shitfaced out of my mind. I could barely even stand on my own two feet and I picked a fight at a bar.
Don’t get me wrong, I knew even before I did it that I didn’t stand a chance of walking out of there. That’s why I did it. I was so numb to everything, so completely shut down to the world that I wanted to do anything to… feel something. And picking a fight with a dude even bigger than I was and getting my ass kicked? Well, that’s the kind of thing I would feel.
I got arrested that night, spent the entire night in the drunk tank, sobering up. Only when the alcohol wore off, did I really feel. I had a few broken ribs, probably could’ve gotten some stitches, hell, I probably even had a concussion.
But the thing that hurt the most? It wasn’t the fact that I got the shit beat out of me. It was the look of disappointment in my father’s eyes. I never forgot it. Even now, I can still feel it.
I can still see it in his eyes.
It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He told me that night he was done, done watching me destroy my life and fuck up “the only good thing I ever did” meaning, my hockey career.
He wasn’t wrong.
But…through all of that, he saw what I went through and never once did he stray from Beau’s side. He stood by him and left me to pick up the pieces of my life on my own.
I wasn’t sure I could ever forgive him for that, but I'm here, and I put the first foot forward.
“Dad,” I say.
“Son.”
He looks at Mom still rocking Olive in her arms then back at me.
“What’s going on?”
“This is my daughter, Olive, and my girlfriend, Maddison.”
I have to give it to him, the look of shock on his face is almost as strong as his look of disappointment.
My father has always been stoic. A man of few words, and even less affection. Since I was little, it’s always felt like a competition with my brother for his love, and honestly… it’s exhausting.
“How’d this happen?”he says, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He’s wearing a Wolves jersey, my brother’s baseball team.
Always his biggest fan. That’ll never change.
“Does it really matter? She’s my daughter, and I’m extending a proverbial olive branch to you if you want to be a part of her life.”
My father scoffs. “You think you can just erase everything that’s happened in the past three years? How you’ve embarrassed our family and for all the shit you’ve done?”
“Jason!” my mother hisses.
I hold my hand up. “No, let him,” I tell her.
“You haven't as much as shown your face at this house since that day, Briggs, you can’t just waltz back in here and expect everyone to bow at your feet. Daughter or not.”
He says it so flippantly, so without emotion, that it makes me want to put my fist through a wall. But I won’t. Because, unlike him, I have changed.
I’m a better man, and Olive has made me that way.
“I don’t expect anything from you.”
He shakes his head. “I knew this moment would come, and quite frankly, you should be ashamed of yourself for putting your mother through what you have.”
I let him continue, let him get it all off his chest, but I walk over and gently take Olive from my mom’s arms, then begin putting her back into her car seat. I wish I wouldn’t have come in the first place and subjected Maddison or Olive to this shitshow.
Rising, I take one last look at my father. “Do you know what I’mashamedof? It’s that even after all this time, you’re still the same person you always were. I feel sorry for you.”
With that, I turn on my heel and wrench the front door open, walking down the stairs before I say something that I truly will regret.
It turns out that staying away from this house for the last three years was the best decision I ever made. Not just for myself, but for the man I want to be. The truth is, I didn’t need my father’s validation, hell, I don’t need or want his approval or his love. What I needed was to know that I’m a better man than I used to be, and that after all of this, I can live with the person that I’ve become.
I can’t say the same for him, and today was the final nail on an already sealed coffin.
What I can say now is that I’m better off without him.
