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Chapter Twenty-Seven
Lonan
After leaving Ogma, I hid in the forest for the rest of the night.
I hadn’t thought I’d feel different after gaining my second name, but I did. I could feel the weight of every order and every vow the Carlin had forced me to make lifting off my shoulders. The relief of it chased away some of the constant hollowness in my gut, making me foolishly hopeful.
After spending hours trying to think of a plan to kill the Carlin, I flew to seelie land as the blackbird, desperately wanting to see Ash. Wanting to tell him everything I hadn’t been able to before.
It was only once I alighted on his bedroom window that I remembered that it wouldn’t make a difference anyway. I could finally tell him everything, be truly honest with him, and he would have no idea what I was talking about. He still didn’t remember me.
His room was empty anyway. The window was partially open, so I shifted into a wasp and crawled inside. Insect eyesight made my head hurt, and the wasp’s vision was blurry and warped, but I made my way through the palace to look for him. Just to see for myself that he was still alright—still alive and healthy.
He wasn’t there.
I flew out of the palace and made my way over the seelie land, but he was nowhere. Panic made me dip in mid-flight. Where was he? Was he hurt? Had the Carlin somehow found another way to get him while I was gone?
I went back into the forest and shifted into the crow to get back to the palace quickly. After entering my bedroom, I walked hurriedly through the palace and into the throne room, trying not to sag with relief when I saw only Ash’s arm still nailed to the post behind my mother’s throne.
But she was sitting in it, and my brothers were all lounging back in theirs.
The Carlin perked up at the sight of me, her one eye darting over my frame before resting on my empty hands. Her pale brows drew together.
“Where is his head?”
I resisted the urge to swallow and clasped my hands behind my back, ignoring Balor’s burning gaze on my face.
“He wasn’t on seelie land,” I said flatly. “Your order was to go to seelie land and kill him. He wasn’t there.”
She stared at me hard. “Why are you trying to escape your duty with a caveat?”
“I’m—” I couldn’t say I wasn’t, because I would have done anything to escape her order. And I had. I wasn’t compelled to carry it out anymore. For the first time in my life, I was truly free.
The Carlin rose slowly from her throne and walked towards me. My hands squeezed together behind my back as I watched her silently.
Cailleach Bheura Cruthachadh de Neoini.The words burned in my brain, urging me to say them—to end this now. But Balor’s eyes were fixed on me, and I saw him rise from his throne to casually join our mother as she made her way towards me.
I needed to find the right time to do it. To say her name and bring her under my control, so she couldn’t kill me before I killed her.
My eyes darted to Balor. He wasn’t under her control anymore. He had his second name, which meant he’d been free to kill any of his brothers for years. I assumed it was only his unnatural desire that had stopped him from killing me, and I doubted he saw Bres and Cethlen as any kind of threat.
He was biding his time. Waiting to take the throne when the Carlin eventually died.
If I said the Carlin’s name now, my brothers would hear it. They would know it too. I hadn’t yet worked out exactly what I would say after uttering it—what order I would give that would make it impossible for her to hurt me or Ash, or find a way to escape my control. I had one chance to get it right.
My mind was spinning too fast—I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to do it. I wasn’t ready for any of it. I remembered every second of my encounter with Ogma. I remembered what she had told me. What she’d called me.
Death King.
Terror gripped my insides. I didn’t want to be king. I wasn’t ready. But when I killed the Carlin, that was what I would become.
“Is there something you’re not telling me, my little blackbird?” the Carlin asked softly when she reached me.
I was taller than her, but that meant nothing as she fixed her one hard eye on me. I stared back at her in silence, because I couldn’t say no.
After a long minute, the Carlin’s brow quirked. “Well, perhaps I wasn’t clear enough in my order.”
Moving quickly, she snatched up my face in her taloned fingers and wrenched me closer.
