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Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ash
Lonan.
Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan Lonan
I almost fell out of the tree I’d been sleeping in as I jerked awake abruptly, already crying. It was pitch black, the moon still high in the sky, the forest quiet around me.
I remembered him. I remembered him.
I couldn’t suck in enough air. I clutched my chest, the sharp ache tightening and tightening until it felt like I was going to choke—
His black eyes black hair pale skin against mine his mouth on me his body beside me in bed
The wolf the cat the blackbird the crow the moth the creatures watching me when I was a boy
Seeing him in the throne room. Meeting him by the lake. His first visit to the cottage. The dinner. The game of favours. Every night spent with him. His birthday. The Winter Solstice battle. Telling him I loved him. Our little Yule celebration together, all the gifts he’d given me. Him admitting he was the wolf and the cat, showing me the animals he could shift into before he kissed me.
How could I have forgotten him? It hurt. It hurtso much. My throat was tight and I was still crying as I dropped down from the tree and stumbled blindly.
Lonan.The hollowness in my chest was him.
I started running, not sure where I was going. I’d been making my way back through the forest from the beach for days, killing the Carlin’s guards and injuring the seelie ones to deter them. But now I was just running aimlessly. When the crunch of footsteps came from behind me, my branch arm was already pulling my bow off my back before I spun around and shot blindly. I stared down at the dead seelie guard, panting wildly, before turning and stumbling off again.
More appeared. I shot them all in a panic, not seeing if they were seelie and unseelie, just shooting and running as my heart beat too fast. The forest started becoming more familiar, but I could barely see as I crashed through the trees, my breaths sawing out of me. I practically fell into Nua and Gillie’s sidhe, having no idea how I made it here.
“I remember him,” I managed to get out before I burst into tears.
They were on the sofa together, and they both jumped up and hurried towards me.
“Who? The prince?” Nua grabbed my shoulders. “Prince Lonan?”
Hearing his name made me sob again, and I wrenched away from Nua and huddled on the floor, my back to the door. I buried my face in my hands, pulling my knees up close to my body, and wept. I wasn’t in control. I couldn’t stop. I was shaking, my branch fingers gripping my hair and pulling too hard. There was too much flooding back at once, rewriting all the memories I’d had of unseelie to put him back in them.
How could I forget him how could I forget him
“Ash.” Nua sounded pained as he knelt in front of me. “We—we tried to remind you at first. I’m—I’m sorry.”
“Why couldn’t I remember him?” I wept. “Why did I forget him?”
“You—It was after the Carlin chained you up. When she told you about… your parents.”
I froze. More memories rose.
‘Lonan killed them.’
‘He slit their throats.’
I slowly raised my head from my hands and stared at Nua. His form was blurry through the tears, but I could see his big green eyes were tight with concern.
“He—he killed my parents,” I rasped.
The ache in my chest sharpened. The hot, unquenchable rage I remembered feeling in the Carlin’s throne room rose. The utter betrayal. The misery. Balor sneering at me and telling me it had all been a game. That Lonan had been playing me the entire time.
“It wasn’t Lonan, Ash.” Nua shared a frown with Gillie, as if he wasn’t sure that it was wise to tell me. “He refused, even though she had ordered him. So Balor cut off his arm to do it.”
I froze in utter shock. “Wh-what?”
