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Twenty-Five: I Destroyed Your Love
Lex
Not only had the dinner at Beast’s not done a damn thing to help distract Lex from feeling so fucking miserable, but he’d since gotten the news that Xochitl had beat him to the punch and dropped out of school. She’d told Vannah, who tried in vain to convince her not to, to let Lex know that after Thanksgiving break, she’d be out of the dorm, and it’d be all his. “I really,reallythink you should reconsider working things out, Taz.” His sister was once again pleading with him as they packed up to head back to La Jolla for the holiday. “Obviously, you’re both hurting and for what? You know now her lying was not malicious, or in any way meant to hurt you.” When he didn’t respond and just kept packing, she dropped the guilt grenade. One Lex hadn’t even thought of. “Can you at least think of me?” For the first time since she’d begun her pleading, he glanced up at her confused. “Even though she and I weren’t nearly as close as we once were before I got married and moved out of the dorm, I totally get the feeling that just talking to me now hurts her.” His older but tiny and very vulnerable looking sister brought her hand to her mouth, just as her eyes flooded with tears. “She doesn’t say it, but I can hear it in her voice, and she always cuts our conversations short now. If she even bothers to return my call and not just respond with a short text. You’re not the only one who’s gonna lose her if you don’t at leasttryto work something out with her. You know you want to.”
Lex reached out and hugged her. “Yeah, I do,” he grudgingly admitted with a frown. Of course, he wanted nothing more than to be with Xochitl again. This was fuckingkillinghim.
“Thenwhydon’t you?”
“Because every time I think about how easy it was for her lie, it scares me.” He shook his head as he let go of her and tossed his laptop into his bag a little brusquer than he first intended. “You’rethe one who told me about her going back and forth with the asshole days before Gordo saw her with him. She kept that from me too.”
“But you know now why she felt shehadto keep it from you at the time.” Vannah countered. “Then after, when did you ever give her the chance? And I know you, Taz. When you’re on fire there’s no talking to you. I bet you probably barely heard a word she tried to explain the day you found out. Then you went and cut her off completely.”
Lex thought back to that infuriating night. How his cutting her off was more for his sake than because he was so mad at her. He known from the moment he’d driven away that night, it’d be too easy to give into her again. He knew it then, his pathetic ass would easily forgive her, if she ever kept something from again and he knew it now. Especially now that he knew how hard it was to live without her. If, like his sister said, it wasn’tmaliciousor in any waymeant to hurt him,he’d have to weigh in what the alternative would be if he chose not to forgive her. He already knew the answer to that. Even her possibly having actually shared his family’s secrets with her web designer, someone she didn’t even realize knew his family he could forgive. How the hell was she supposed to know that fucker would turn around and leak it to the press? For all Lex knew that asshole fished it out. He knew she’d been part of the wedding party and Vannah had already explained about Xochitl not associating him with his family. Only now there was the matter of that one nauseating word he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about, what she might’ve possibly meant by it.
Well. That, he’dneverforgive or get past. So many times, he’d been tempted to call her and ask her just what the hell she meant by that. But if he was being honest with himself, it’s what he was reallyterrifiedof. Lex didn’t think for a moment that she’d cheated on him. If that were the case, he wouldn’t even be standing there listening to his sister plead Xochitl’s case for her—again. But even the thought that what she was feeling that week, hadanythingto do with her sitting there having drinks with the fucker and letting her touch her, Lex wouldn’t be able to stomach.
It’s why despite the only time he’d seen her at school, since the day it all went down, and she was an absolute vision, he could barely stand to look at her. He’d secretly choked up plenty of times since moving out of that dorm. But that day had taken the cake. He’d skipped his classes and if it hadn’t been for the soccer practice there was no way he could skip, he might not have even gone back to campus that day. Lex only had himself to blame for that ugly seed being planted too. Since Xochitl was notorious for her extensive research techniques, the idea that maybe she’d hung out with the douche in such a social way—knowing full well Lex would be livid regardless of her reasons—had been part of her research. For as much as she’d talked about that damn presentation, Lex hadn’t asked many details about it. He should’ve, since obviously it wasthatimportant to her. He’d just been too caught up in his own busy schedule, and then doing more pleasurable things with her on his down time, than discussing the details of her class work. All he remembered was her mentioning that it was for her applied behavior analysis class and that seed had since blown up into something he just couldn’t deal with.
Vannah had more than once mentioned her husband had gently encouraged her to just let this go. So, he was glad when they walked out into the front room, and Byron was out there watching TV. “You guys ready to roll?”
“I am.” Lex lifted his bag to show him. “Me too.” Vannah grabbed her purse and they headed out.
The whole way to La Jolla, he got a break from any talk of Xochitl. Although, just like every single day, and nearly every moment of the day since he’d broken up with her, it’d beenimpossibleto stop thinking about her.
His sister’s niggling only ceased until each time she got a moment alone with him at the restaurant where they were having their annual Thanksgiving feast. Which thankfully with his ginormous family didn’t happen too often. Even so, Lex knew the only one she’d be concerned about hearing her still pushing the issue was her husband. Secretly though, each time he’d see her approach with that look on her face like she had something up her sleeve, his heart would speed up wondering if she’d spoken to Xochitl. “So, I was thinking.” She grabbed a bowl and served herself chips from the chip bar where Lex was at. “What about if in the spirit of the holiday, you unblock Xochitl from your phone. Just for today,” she added quickly. “You know they say the holidays are the worst time of the year for people who suffer from depression. Even though she’s probably surrounded by family right now, I’m sure she’s still feeling miserable. I could text her that you mentioned unblocking her and tell her to call you to wish you a happy holiday. Or,or,” She added quickly when he started to protest. “Just a text. Doesn’t even have to be a long back and forth thing. I’m sure it’ll make her day to hear from you and know that you don’t hate her like she told me she thought you did the last time I spoke with her.”
Lex turned to her surprised. “She did?”
She nodded. “But you were in amoodthat day and Byron was around the whole time. Then I had those finals I had to cram for and forgot all about it.” Vannah looked up at him and gave him the puppy dog eyes she used on him, Gordo and his dad when she was trying to get her way. Lex smirked shaking his head. His sister was nothing, if not persistent when it came to this. But he had to admit, it’d bedamngood to hear from Xochitl. Even if it was just a safe generic text. “I’ll unblock her butonlyfrom my phone and only for today. I don’t need to accidently see any of her social media.” He couldn’t believe he was agreeing to this as he pulled his phone out, but his heart was already racing at just the thought of hearing from her.
“Oh my God,” Vannah smiled big, pulling out her own phone. “I’ll call her now. She’s gonna be so excited.”
Smiling, he headed back to the table with Gordo and some of his other cousins. When he saw Vannah approach him again, his heart thudded with anticipation. “She didn’t answer,” she said in a lowered voice near his ear. “But I’m sure she’s busy with her family dinner too. So, she’ll likely respond when she gets a moment to.”
As disappointing as that was, he felt strangely excited that he’d be hearing from her when all this time he could’ve just called her. But he decided it was because this was only an exception he was making for his unrelenting sister.
A half hour later Vannah was back at the end of his table but surprisingly didn’t address him, even though her husband wasn’t anywhere around. If he didn’t know any better, she was even avoiding making eye contact with him. Something so unlike the way she’d been hounding him for weeks.
Curious, he stared at her hard, as he eyes bounced around from one person to another except his, until she finally had no choice but to look at him. For as big and bright as his sister was always smiling and laughing, she looked anything but giddy now. She almost looked nervous. Standing up slowly he didn’t miss the way her eyes widened, and she looked ready to stand herself. As he started toward her, she did get up and started in the opposite direction. With a few long fast strides he caught up to his shorty sister. “You hear from her yet?”
“Um,” she cleared her throat glancing away. “Yeah, she text me back.”
Lex peered at her even though she wouldn’t look up at him, suddenly getting a bad feeling about this. Putting his hand on her arm, he forced her to not just meet his eyes but stop. “Why hadn’t you told me?”
Her mouth opened and shut as she did a little shake of her head and if Lex wasn’t already feeling annoyed, he might’ve found it amusing. “I was going to as soon as I got my dessert. I didn’t want it to run out.”
“Food run out? Inthisrestaurant?” He searched her eyes. “You’ve been hounding me about this all day and now you’re avoiding the subject.Why? What did she say?”
She lifted and dropped her shoulder quickly,tryingto appear taken aback by his reaction to this. “I was right about her being busy. The holiday and all.”
“What did she say, Savannah?”
His sister lifted her chin in what he assumed her way of trying to stand up to his pressing tone. “She wished me,and my family, a happy holiday. And then thanked me for letting her know you’d unblocked her.”
Lex held out his hand. “Let me see the text.”
“Are you seriously saying you don’t believe me?”
