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HARLEY
Seeing Josie again was like someone had run me over with a truck. And then reversed to finish the job.
Again, I’m stood in the doorway of my closet, staring at the packed bags.Fuck. I can’t leave now. Not when …
I refuse to let myself think I even have a chance. It’s been too long. There’s too much history to work through. And yet, just as I was building the courage to walk out of this town and not look back, she shows up. I’m not one to believe in coincidences, but surely this can’t have happened without a reason.
A little reluctantly, I begin to unpack. Without thinking, I hang my clothes up just the same as my mother always did. I smile when I think about her. We used to play a game called ‘Where are we going today?’
We would sit at the dining table, write down the place we wanted to go, and we would research a bunch of fun things we wanted to do when we were there. It was a small escape, just for a moment, from the suffocating life of living with Jamie—or, as I call him, sperm-donor.
My mother did a lot of little things to try to make life a little more enjoyable for me. For the both of us. I never really understood why she didn’t leave him. No money, no family to rely on, no work experience, is my guess. The thing was, he wasn’talwaysbad. To her, anyway. It’s twisted and fucked up, but she loved him. Despite everything. And honestly, I can’t really forgive her for that.
The sound of the coat hanger hitting the rusted metal pole makes me think back to when I returned after my time away. I tried to move once before. The people I stayed with weren’t a good influence, and I wasn’t in a good state of mind at the time.
It was a blur of partying. Meeting strangers, staying out all night, spending the next day hungover in bed. It was an unhealthy cycle that only got worse and worse the more time I spent down there.
When a few too many drinks led me to the bed of a girl who I didn’t know was dating one of the guys I had been hanging with, I was quickly kicked out and told never to come back. I couldn’t believe I let myself get caught up in that fucking toxic drama again. I’m older now. I’m meant to be better. But if anything, I’m getting worse.
Brennon welcomed me back with open arms and a lecture for trying to get out. Maybe he’s right. Maybe being a bartender/labourer in Fern Grove is all I’m ever going to be. I just wish it was something I was okay with.
Despite it almost being midnight, I throw off my shirt and head down to the makeshift gym I made out of old equipment Brennon no longer uses.
A warm feeling of comfort settles over me when I place my hands inside the boxing gloves. I’m most at peace when I’m here. I do a few warm-ups before launching my fist into the punching bag.
Flashes of memories slice through me. Drinking. Smoking. Fingers sliding through long hair. Lips kissing down my neck.
Grunting, I punch harder, thinking of Nick, and Josie, and everything in between.
You’re not good enough for her,my father’s sinister voice whispers in my mind.You’re nothing.
My fist slams so hard into the punching bag, it dislodges from the hook, crashing to the ground with a loud bang. I stumble to my knees, hitting the ground over and over, letting tears and frustration pour out of me until I’m completely empty.
