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Chapter One
-Noemi-
IREMEMBERED THE TASTEof the restaurant’s coffee — bitter because I didn’t have my favorite creamer to sweeten it.
I remembered the clouds and the dismal, gray morning that echoed my mood. The heartbreak of leaving behind everything, and everyone, I loved overshadowed my excitement about moving to England to work at my dream job.
I remembered how tired Lilly and I were because we sat up almost all night, reminiscing about our inseparable childhood years and wondering what the future would bring now that we were going our separate ways. She promised to fly to England and visit me as soon as she could, a promise she had fulfilled.
I remembered that my brother Willis was busy with his senate campaign. I surprised him when I told him I was moving to England. He couldn’t reschedule his campaign stops to drive me to the airport, so we spent some time together before he had to get back on the road. He wasn’t the one who took me to catch my flight, and he wasn’t the one who sat with me before I had to get into the security line.
I remembered how he had taken one look at our tired eyes, red and puffy from crying, and insisted that he would drive us to the airport.
Dante was his usual quiet self on the road from Connecticut to New York City. While Lilly dozed in the front seat, I sat in the back, nervously clutching my carry-on, staring at the back of his neck and the rich, black hair I wanted to run my hands through.
I was going to miss him. Even though he rarely talked to me, Dante Calegari had been a fixture in my life for over a decade. His presence meant security. Safety. Whenever Dante was around, I felt an inexplicable sense of peace.
In a modern world where anything could happen, I knew I would be okay because Dante was there. When he was traveling, I visited the Calegari home, but no matter what Lilly and I were up to, especially in our teenage years and beyond, there was this sense that something was missing. The home was incomplete without him. Dante didn’t know it, but once, his words helped me through the darkest time of my life, revealing a side of him that I had never met before. A side that had given me hope, bravery and a sense of worth I hadn’t experienced until then.
A side I had fallen in love with.
My mind had wandered to thoughts of what was never to be — a kiss, a night in his arms... in his bed. I wanted to know what it would be like to have those strong, muscular arms hold me again. To know what it would feel like to have his lips on mine, whether in a drawn-out kiss or feathering my cheek and forehead with tiny kisses that were meant to tempt me into giving him more. I wanted to. To give him more. To give him anything! All he had to do was ask.
But he never did. He was always cool. Polite but distant. I was never anything more to him than his little sister’s best friend. He didn’t see me any other way.
When our eyes met in the rearview mirror that morning, I caught a glimpse of an expression I’d never seen on him. I blushed and turned away from the intensity in his eyes.
I couldn’t hold his gaze. I never could.
Even once we arrived at the airport. Even when we sat at a table for three and I downed another round of bitter brew. Even as he shook his head at how many creamers I had to empty into my cup to make the coffee palatable.
Dante didn’t speak to me, but our eyes kept meeting.
And I kept looking away.
I wanted to talk to him. To tell him that I’d miss him, just as I’d told his mother and brother the same thing that morning. Only with Dante, everything was different. I’d miss not being able to look at him when he didn’t know I was watching. I’d miss the deep timbre of his voice when he said, “Hello, Noemi,” as he walked away.
I’d miss the way he looked in the dark suits he wore like a second skin, and I’d miss the woodsy, citrusy scent of his cologne. It was the scent of my youth, of my dreams and fantasies, of an unfulfilled longing that left me with an empty feeling in my heart. A feeling that threatened to spill over if I didn’t keep avoiding his eyes.
We lingered over our coffee. Lilly and I made idle chit-chat because we’d already poured our hearts out and just couldn’t do it anymore. Our bravery wouldn’t last.
“My flight boards in two hours,” I said as I looked at my watch one more time. We could see it from where we sat. The security line was long, but it moved steadily.
The smile fell from Lilly’s face as she stood up. “Then I’m going to say goodbye now. I can’t...” Her eyes filled with tears again and mine immediately did the same. “Call me when you get there, Noe. I... Dammit... I wasn’t going to cry anymore.”
We hugged, and then Lilly shocked me when she pushed away from me and grabbed her purse.
“I gotta go, Noe. I... call me.”
I watched her walk away, her designer heels clicking on the tile, knowing that she was as much of a wreck as I was. I sucked in a deep breath, getting my emotions under control. My hand shook as I gathered my carry-on. I dropped the strap three times before a hand reached down and took it from me.
That time, I didn’t look away when our eyes met. Dante held the bag out to me.
“Do you have everything you need?” he asked, his voice oddly husky.
I nodded; the words stuck in my throat.
“Noemi?” he prompted, a look of irritation flashing over his face. “It’s a long flight. Do you have everything... books, food?”
