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As I grew into my role as a mafia don, I had fewer reasons to think about the years he trained me before he was murdered and I stepped fully into the role. I didn’t think I was ready then. I was barely nineteen. I would rather have been going to frat parties and playing beer pong, but I knew my destiny. I knew it wasn’t something I would ever walk away from. I wanted it; I always knew what my role in the world would be - I just didn’t think it would happen so soon. I thought I’d have years to play both sides. Mafia don in training by day, hot Italian lover at night. Knowing who I am now, the idea seems comical, but in my younger days, who needed to sleep? I could take care of business during the day and relax with a good fuck after the deals were done.
I had about six months of my ideal life, or what I thought was my dream world, then the day came when reality came crashing in and I had to step fully into my role. My father was murdered; my sister was traumatized, and my older brother Dante made it clear the job was mine. He had never had any interest in taking over the family business. I tried. I thought it was the right thing to do. My father and I had discussed it many times. It just never felt right. Dante was the oldest; I always thought he should have followed in my father’s footsteps.
“That is traditionally how things are done, yes.” I remember my father nodding. I was about fourteen when I finally had the courage to ask him: why me? Why not Dante?
“But Dante...” We were sitting on the Boardwalk, chewing on some hotdogs, and watching the sunset. “Dante is different. This isn’t his destiny. He has... other responsibilities.” He patted my knee and gave me that proud papa look that made me equally proud to be his son. “No. This is for you. You will run the business one day, Gabriel. Dante’s path goes in another direction.” He shrugged. “In the future, after I am gone, if the two of you feel differently, you can work it out yourselves. But I know my children and I know what is right. From the day he was born, Dante was meant for something else and you, my second-born son, you are meant to fill my shoes. I have no doubts about it.”
Most days, I didn’t either, but I still harbored a little guilt about taking a position that, by all rights, should have been inherited by my brother. Once a year, I asked him if he wanted his birthright back. He always said no. In the early days, if he ever said yes, I would have respectfully stepped aside, but I knew he’d say no, which is why I continued to ask. Now that I’d been head of the family for thirteen years, if Dante ever changed his mind and said “yes,” I think I’d have to fight him for it. It wasn’t just a job, or a way to make money. It was what I became – it was who Iwas.I wasn’t walking away from being the head of the Calegari crime family.
My father was right. Dante had a life of his own, far removed from the grind of running a crime syndicate. I knew I didn’t have to worry about being usurped by my brother. I kept asking the question because I knew the answer would never change. Dante had followed his own path - lived the mysterious life of a jet-setting stockbroker and while he was clever enough to fool the rest of the world... Let’s just say, I knew my brother better than he thought I did.
Dante was a different kind of man. He wasn’t a leader, at least, not the kind of leader needed for the job. He preferred a solitary, quiet life. The last thing he wanted was to be surrounded by the number of men needed to run the business, and he definitely didn’t have the temperament to deal with the kinds of personalities involved. He stayed to himself, trading stocks by day, spending the majority of time in his office, and traveling the world negotiating deals, the nature of which he would never discuss. I didn’t envy him, knowing the life he led came with its own weight. In fact, I respected Dante more than anyone I knew. Our worlds didn’t mix. He never commented on how I ran the family business and I never butted into his. Occasionally, we disagreed about family matters. Despite his frequent absences, Dante never lost touch with us. I may have inherited my father’s throne, but Dante was head of our family, our real family, and I never lost sight of that. I wouldn’t disrespect him that way.
We didn’t always agree, but the final decision on anything related to family dynamics was his. Despite my money, we still lived in the house Dante bought for us after my father was murdered. As head of the family, he was the one who kept money in my mother’s and sister’s bank accounts. I paid for a lot of shit, but those were the two things he insisted were his responsibility. He had his issues - I couldn’t claim to understand everything about my brother - but he was loyal to a fault even while he was emotionally distant most of the time. Pretty much all the time, actually. I very seldom witnessed him showing any deep emotions— he smiled politely when it was necessary; he nodded his head frequently; he glared with narrowed eyes when he was angry. Occasionally, his jaw ticked, and you knew it was time to back off. His hugs were rare; his sadness, never seen. Those were the traits that suited him best in life - the lack of empathy, of any real desire to care for anyone outside our family.
My traits as his polar opposite set me up for success. I had skills Dante didn’t. My father knew that. I could read men. My brother could, too, but I knew how to use what I found. Dante didn’t give a fuck what motivated others; my life depended on that information. I wasn’t naive about what was expected of me in the role I assumed. People wanted me dead even before I succeeded my father. Even more people wanted me dead afterwards. While the threats eased over the years, I abandoned the previous business model of a drug-based, blood thirsty conglomerate and focused on untraceable cyber-crimes which were twice as lucrative and much safer. Not everyone was on board. I still had a list of enemies - some who wanted to keep the old ways intact and a whole list of new ones who wanted what I had. I was willing to share. I didn’t care if they all wanted in on a modern approach to an ancient legacy. There was more than enough wealth to go around, but I wasn’t willing to be anyone’s bitch.
As soon as we arrived at the club, we ordered drinks and I escorted Suzanne to a cozy corner booth where we were well out of the way and the strobe lights weren’t as irritating. I told her we’d need to be there early, and we were. But at six o’clock, the place was deserted. Not only was it Sunday, but it was also too early for the die-hard party animals to be out, which suited me just fine. A few lone dancers muddled around on the dance floor along with one couple who looked like they’d personally been to the 80’s and needed to get their fix in before bedtime.
Suzanne’s friend, who was dressed as a red-haired Madonna, served us at the bar. I had a beer and Suzanne ordered a cosmopolitan.
“I can get your food order in a few minutes. Pick any table you want, and I’ll be back after I take care of the guy in the corner.”
The next hour mimicked our dinner the night before, only instead of gourmet food, we ate cheeseburgers and fries. I did my best to keep my eyes off her. When I picked her up, I was relieved Suzanne hadn’t gone overboard with the 80’s theme and worn a Cyndi Lauper outfit or painter overalls. She could have pulled them off, but she was sexy as hell in a black skirt and off the shoulder, cream colored, thin knit sweater.
“So, is that a ‘no?’” Suzanne asked again.
I forgot she’d asked me if I wanted to dance.
Fuck yes, I wanted to dance with her but that would mean getting close to her, touching her, feeling her luscious body slide against mine. If she were anyone else, I wouldn’t hesitate. I could have her if I wanted her, and I fucking wanted her, but I couldn’t lose sight of my purpose. She was tempting, but she was just a pawn. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. Use her then walk away. With no regrets and no shame.
I wasn’t an animal. If I took advantage of her, I risked compromising myself. I ran the risk of creating something more meaningful. I knew that. I couldn’t fucking explain it, but I knew it. I was drawn to her like no one I’d ever met. I had to keep my distance while I pulled her closer. I had to know what she knew, even if just to confirm that she knew nothing at all.
I shook my head, denying myself the chance at an excuse to get that close to her. But I couldn’t bring myself to lie to her either.
“I don’t dance in public.”
Despite the strobing red, green and gold lights, I saw disappointment cloud her features. The smile faded from her face, and I immediately missed it.
“But you go ahead if you’d like.”
What the fuck?What kind of pussy was I? I just encouraged the woman I wanted to dance with someone else?
No.
Not someone else.
I didn’t know if she would accept, but I made her the only offer I could stomach. “Go dance,” I ordered, jerking my head towards the nearly empty dance floor.
“No. I don’t want to dance alone.” She shook her head and stared down at her hands. “That’s not something I’m comfortable with... well... you don’t dance in public, and I don’t dance alone.”
“I’ll watch.”
