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CHAPTER TWELVE
Friday, June 11
(however, with actual daylight)
I can’t go backto sleep. I lie for long hours, listening to the sound of Connor’s hard breathing and cadenced snoring before I finally get up and head out to the general store. Maybe someone there is up early and I can grab some stuff to make breakfast.
I read a book once, in the days when my heart was raw from pain and hurt about the way I show love and the way I like for love to be shown to me. Turns out, I’m a person who shows love with acts of kindness. Apparently, it’s also how I offer my contrition, too. Making breakfast is the perfect way to show how sorry I am for violating Connor’s privacy last night. Although he seemed OK after we’d had sex, I worry he was angry. Shana wasn’t a subject he’d voluntarily brought up. I cannot possibly imagine what sort of a breakup they’d had to create such hard feelings. Connor, with all his as-yet-unknown parts, doesn’t seem to be the kind of person who’d overreact to a breakup.
I am happy to see the store opens at seven, and go in to gather some ingredients to make breakfast back at the Minnow Bucket. I hope that the old adage about “the way to a man’s heart” includes scrambled eggs and bacon.
“What’s all this?” Connor asks. He tugs on a T-shirt as he steps out of the bedroom. For a split second, Inner Sex Goddess reminds me that the beautiful man standing in front of me made love to me all night last night.
“Breakfast. I thought I’d feed you for a change,” I almost get up from my seat at the small table, but he stays me with a hand.
Connor ties his hair back in a messy bun and then uncovers the dishes I’ve prepared, laid out for him in the small kitchen area. “Scrambled eggs, bacon, tomatoes, fruit.” He crunches on a slice of bacon and hums, “Looks great.”
“There’s coffee, too, but you’ll probably want to heat it up.”
“You didn’t have to do all this, Raven.” Suddenly, I don’t like my name again. I miss him calling me his Lainey Bird. “But I appreciate all the trouble you went to. Thank you.”
He piles the food onto his plate and comes to sit across from me at the small table.
“When will the mechanic be here?” I ask, filling the silence between us. The awkward, painful silence.
“Around nine.” He glances at his watch. “Any minute now, I guess.”
“I want to shower before we get back on the road.”
“Sure thing.” Connor swallows a bite of eggs and reaches over to take my hand. My fingers trace the circular rim of my paper coffee cup. I drop my hand into his and feel the warmth of his touch rush through my entire body in an instant.
“Hey,” his voice is soft and my eyes lift from where our hands are joined to look into his. “I need to tell you that last night was incredible. I said you’re wonderful, but you’re way more than that. Are you feeling all right today?”
I nod, but don’t speak.
“Did I hurt you, Lainey?” he asks, fear behind his eyes.
“No.”
“What is it? Do you regret sleeping with me? The sex, I mean.”
I shake my head. “I regret prying. Connor, I’m sorry.”
“Do you regret it because you don’t want to know what you now know about me, or because you’re afraid I’m upset with you.” Connor Rose nails me again.
“I’m scared you’re angry with me,” I confess, adding depth to the emotions.
“I’m not. I’ve been worried you’ll want to turn around and go home now that you know I was married once and it obviously ended in disaster. I am not proud of that part of my life, Lainey Bird. I don’t talk about her.”
“I don’t care that you were married, Connor. Shana obviously hurt you very deeply. I hate that I brought all that pain back up.”
“It’s been buried too long,” Connor says. His fingers close tighter around mine now. “There’s a lot I want to tell you. Someday. But it’s hard for me. It’s still hard for me to talk about what happened.”
“It’s OK. You’re not obligated to tell me anything,” I offer.
“That’s not what I want with you. Sharing our secrets, our pasts, that’s what brings us closer, isn’t it? And I want that with you, Lainey Bird. I want ‘closer’ with you.”
We’re interrupted by a tap on the camper door. “That’s the mechanic.” Connor gives me a reassuring smile. “Hit the showers. We’ll leave as soon as he’s given us a good once-over.”
