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Her hand flew to her mouth, and she shook her head violently. “Liam, no. Don’t think like that. I will always love you.Always,” she said fiercely. “You’re my son, and I’m so proud of you. I know your dad isn’t here anymore, but I was with that man for fourteen years, and I can tell you for a fact that he wouldn’t care what your sexual orientation is. We just wanted you to be happy. That’s all we ever wanted for you.”
“Mum—”
Holding up a hand, she stopped me in my tracks. “I haven’t finished yet. I owe you an apology. I know that I’ve always mentioned you settling down with a girl, and I know I always told you that was what your dad would have wanted. It wasn’t… I guess we both just assumed that was what would happen at some point in the future, and I take full responsibility for the part I’ve played in the struggles you’ve been going through. I’m so, so sorry. I never meant for you to feel like I wouldn’t love you or accept you for who you are. Because I do accept you. You’re my son, and I want you to hear me right now. I love you, and I accept you, and that willneverchange.”
Fuck. I rubbed my hand across my face, feeling the wetness from my tears under my palm. My voice came out as a whisper. “I don’t think I’m even interested in girls anymore. Nothing ever felt…it’s so different with Noah. I just don’t know how I couldn’t have known before. I don’t know what people are going to say or what they’ll think of me. I—I’m scared, Mum.”
Picking up my hand, she squeezed it gently. “The sad fact is that yes, there will inevitably be some people who look at you differently, but those people aren’t worth your time. You have so many people who support you, love. Don’t let yourself get dragged down by these negative thoughts. As for not knowing until now, everyone finds out things about themselves all the time.Allthe time. You remember Mr. Peterson, who lives at number 12? He comes to my book club?”
I nodded slowly. “Yeah…”
“Well, he came out just a couple of months ago. He’s in his forties, and he was married for almost eighteen years before he got divorced. He fell in love with his best friend sometime after the divorce, and from the sound of it, it came as a shock to both of them. But do you know what? I’ve never seen him happier in all the time I’ve known him.”
“Oh.”
“My point is, everything happens in its own time. Just because you weren’t aware of this part of yourself before doesn’t mean it didn’t exist. Sometimes it doesn’t even occur to us to think any differently until something unexpected happens to make us look at things in a new way.”
I gave her a wobbly smile. “When did you get so wise?”
“I’ve always been wise.” She smiled properly. “So. What are you going to do about Noah?”
Noah.
It was that exact moment that I realised just how hard and how far I’d fallen.
Fuck. He waseverything.
And I’d fucked it all up.
My lip trembled, and I clamped down on it, covering my face with my hand. “I think I’ve ruined the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Nonsense.” Her hand patted my back. “From everything you’ve told me, it sounds as if he’s as into you as you are to him. You just need to prove to him that you want to be with him.”
A tiny, tentative hope unfurled within my chest. “I don’t even know if I can get him to speak to me.”
“Of course you can. You just have to show him you’re serious.” Tapping her fingers on her chin, she pursed her lips. “Maybe you could do a grand romantic gesture; that’ll make him listen. Oh! What about skywriting? Or hire a flash mob. Do people still do that?”
“Mum. No.”
But she was off on a tangent. “Did you see that proposal on YouTube where the guy got all those people to join in? It was that song by that singer…who was it now? Bruno Mars? ‘Marry You.’ Yes, that was it.”
“Mum! Proposals? Really?” Times like this reminded me just how much I missed my dad. So many of my memories of him were faded around the edges, but for some reason, I remembered clearly how my mum would go off on a tangent at the dinner table when I was little. My dad would humour her for a minute, rolling his eyes good-naturedly, and then steer the conversation in a different direction. We’d all end up laughing, and then afterwards, he’d sneak me some of his dessert when my mum wasn’t looking.
She gave a small laugh. “Sorry. No, no proposals. But maybe just a small flash mob?”
“No flash mobs. Ever.” A grin tugged at my lips, and it felt so fucking good after the emotional wringer I’d just been through. Pulling myself into a seated position, I hesitated for a second, and then put my arms around her. “Thanks.”
Hugging me back immediately, she placed a soft kiss to my head. “I love you, Liam, and I’m always here for you. Your dad would be too.”
“Love you too.” I sighed. “Wish me luck for when I see Noah again. I have a feeling I’m gonna need it.”
