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“Not always,” Jane mumbled.
“All right, Jane,” Will said calmly. “Whatever you have on your mind, let it out. Let me have it. God knows I deserve it.”
The room fell silent as she stared at him, her expression impassive.
“Do you love her?” she finally asked.
It was not what he expected, but he didn’t hesitate. “Yes. I can't begin to tell you... Yes, I do.”
“Are you going to go after her?”
“Yes.”
Jane studied him for a moment and slowly shook her head. “I just don't understand, Will. How is it that you love her so much that you’re willing to chase after hernow, yet youinstantlybelieved such horrible things about her? How is it that you saw those pictures and didn't automatically think theremustbe an explanation, because the woman you love, the woman you know so well, wouldn't be a part of anything so horrid and deceitful?”
Will remained silent but kept his eyes locked on hers.
“You don't deserve her,” she went on. “She deserves someone far better than you. You walked out on her just when she needed you the most, and you didn't have the courtesy, the decency, theballs, to tell her why. You hid, like a frightened child.”
“Jane—” Charles said.
“It’s okay, Charles,” Will assured his friend. He deserved everything Jane had to dole out.
“Do you honestly think she'll take you back?” Jane asked.
Will shrugged and spoke softly. “I–I don't know. I hope so.” The alternative terrified him.
“She told you about Jason, and about the pregnancy. Everything.”
He nodded. “Yes.”
“Think about what he did to her, Will…and then think about whatyoudid.”
After a long moment of silence, she spoke again.
“Don't you have anything to say?”
He shook his head. “What could I say that would make a difference anyway? Do you want me to defend myself? I won't, because I can't. I ran, just like you said. I hid. I was scared.”
“I can understand fear, Will. It’s thewayyou handled your fear that baffles me. Do you remember that first weekend in Boston, when we all had dinner here? You picked her up at the bus station.”
Will nodded. “Of course I remember.”
“She was falling in love with you already. I remember her wondering how she’d gone from thinking you were an arrogant prick to wanting to be with you all the time.Shedidn't know she was falling in love, but I could see it happening. And then, after everything that happened while you were in California, she welcomed you back. She could have easily believed the worst, and at first she did, you know that. But she was willing to listen to you and give you the benefit of the doubt. Butyouhaven’t even given her a chance!”
Will stared down at his hands, unable to look Jane in the eye anymore. He didn't want to hear this, but if she needed to say it, so be it. He deserved her bitterness. He swallowed thickly and forced himself to look at her again.
“It took her so long to trust you, to trust herself and her feelings...she was terrified,” Jane went on, her voice softer now. “Worried that you'd get bored, that you were just infatuated. Worried you would be another Jason.”
“I'mnotanother Jason.”
“To her—and to me—you are. You did the same thing he did—you walked away. In my eyes, you're no better than him.”
“Jane, I get it. Iknowwhat I did, and I hate myself for it. I'll never forgive myself for leaving her. She is…” He paused, trying to speak past the lump in throat. “I–I don't know what to say. She is everything to me. And IknowI fucked up, and you haveeveryreason andeveryright to hate me for causing her so much pain. But it’s not for you to decide if I deserve her. That’s for Elizabeth to decide. And I’m going to do everything in my power to fix what needs to be fixed. There are things I have to do, I know that. And I'll do them, I'll do the work, whatever it takes. I'll do it.”
“You might be too late.”
“I'll say it again, that's not for you to say. It's not for you to decide.” He stared at her, feeling resolved. “I don't expect your help, but I don't want you to get in my way, either. And…you have to tell me how to find her. I'm leaving for South Carolina tonight, and I need to know where she is.”
