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“If you’d just talked to me, trusted me…trusted who I am.”
“I do.”
“But you didn't, not when you really needed to.” She paused. “Do you remember when we talked after you got back from California? Do you remember our conversation that day?”
“Yes, of course I remember.”
She raised her eyes to his, and to him they looked dull and lifeless. “Do you? I told you how scared I was to trust you, how afraid I was to let my guard down, to let go of my heart and just feel again.”
He nodded silently.
“We talked about it more the first time we made love. I was so afraid of losing you, of missing out on what I could have with you, if I kept holding back. I had to decide what frightened me more—getting my heart broken, or losing out on the chance to love you and have you love me in return. Who would think that both would happen? That you would break my heart,andthat I’d lose that chance with you? All at once.”
He shook his head and leaned forward. “No, Elizabeth. It doesn't have to be that way. We don't have to lose each other. We still have a chance. I know what I did and what I thought was awful and wrong, and there’s–there's really no way I can make up for that. What I did isn't going to be erased by anything I say or do. You just…you have to believe that I love you more than anything, and I'm so, so sorry.”
She shook her head and looked down at her hands. “You made promises to me that day. You said you understood, and you said you would never hurt me. You said those words to me.”
He briefly closed his eyes. “I know. I know what I said, and I know that I hurt you. Badly. It's me, it’s all me. I can't change what I did, but Icanpromise you it won't happen again. I have to fix what’s broken inside of me, I know that.”
“I was so afraid,” she whispered.
She stared at the wall, almost as if she was talking to herself, and he waited for her to continue.
“I thought you’d decided I wasn't enough for you. That you’d chosen, just like that, to move on and leave me behind.” Her eyes met his. “But I know the truth now. It's not me. It never was. It's you. You're not enough for me.”
He felt the air being pulled from his lungs, and before he could respond, she spoke again.
“I love you so much. I do. But it's not enough.” She looked at him, her gaze steady now. “You left me, you walked away... You said you never would, but you did.”
“I won't do it again, Lizzy, please.” He felt hot tears spill onto his cheeks. “I'm begging you, just give me—”
“No. I can't.”
“You just said you love me. Yousaidit. You can't change that, you can't just pretend you don't feel it. I love you too, and I’ll do whatever it takes... We can start over, we can—”
“No. You say you'll never do it again, that you'll never turn away from me, but how can I believe you? How can I trust you?”
“Youcanbelieve me, youcantrust me. I won't.”
“You’ve said those words before. You lied.”
He screwed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the churning in his stomach and the pounding in his chest. “Please, Elizabeth,” he whispered, unashamed to beg, his voice saturated with grief. “Don't give up on me, don't give up on us. Not yet.”
Her breath hitched. “But I have to, Will. Don’t you see? You already did.”
