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Henry squinted in the direction of the dying campfire, then around the property. “So what’s left?”
He was asking what else needed to be done before I offered Lake everything we both deserved? Would it ever be enough? I scratched my jaw, my beard growing in. I’d been so busy lately, I’d hardly had time to shave. “You’ve got eyes,” I said. “Part of the house is still under construction. The attic needs to be completely reorganized, not to mention I haven’t really furnished the smaller rooms the way I want to. Plus, I want to build that stable in the backyard—”
“What for? You don’t ride.”
“That’s because I don’t have anywhere to put horses,” I said, which was a ridiculous lie. Really, I just wanted an excuse to have Lake between my legs again—if that was what Lake wanted, too—and there was plenty of space here for horseback riding. I had enough acreage for all kinds of animals, and wasn’t that part of what had drawn me to Big Bear? The openness, nature, the opposite of an eight-by-six cell? The ease with which I could read the constellations each night like a good book?
Only one person could grasp why those things were important. The one who hadn’t been able to see the stars at all in New York, and who might need them to light her way sometimes. The woman who deserved all the bells and whistles of a fancy kitchen just to make killer sandwiches. So, for fuck’s sake, yeah, maybe all this was for Lake, and that was all the more reason it had to be perfect before I brought her here.
“It’ll get there,” I said to Henry. “As a man, as a builder, I will get everything as it should be. These pieces take time because they’re meant to survive a lifetime.”
“Son, I know that. Who do you think you’re talking to? But a good amount of time’s passed since the divorce.” He chuckled a little. “Probably not enough. I doubt there’s an appropriate amount of time to wait to move in on your ex-wife’s sister. But what happens if you wait too long?”
Henry was most likely referring to someone else swooping in, but that wasn’t where my mind went first. I thought back to the morning of the terrorist attacks in New York, waking up to see the Twin Towers on fire—and the gut-bursting feeling that Lake was thousands of miles away from me. Logically, I knew she had no reason to be anywhere near the Financial District, but having just moved to wide-open Big Bear, I’d felt helpless. I was dialing Lake’s number before I’d even gotten a grasp on the morning news. I’d been too panicked to worry about the fact that someone else had picked up her phone, but it had set in quickly. Lake and I had spent five beautiful days in her New York, and now, at nine in the morning, another man was waking her up to hand her the phone. As soon as I’d heard she was safe, I’d hung up.
“I hear you,” I said. I wasn’t sure how I’d bring myself to go to Lake after all I’d put her through, but there wasn’t any other way. I couldn’t build her a home and never tell her. I couldn’t not love her. “The day the house is finished, I’ll go to her,” I said. “That day, I’ll bring her home.”
“Huh.” Henry nodded to himself. “I was wondering about that career choice of hers, thought maybe it didn’t seem right, but guess I was wrong. Maybe she needs all that extravagance to be happy, just like her sister.”
“She doesn’t,” I said quickly. Lake only needed me, the way I needed her, too.
“Then quit wasting fucking time, Manning. I’m willing to bet Lake would rather be here now, helping you turn this into a home, instead of losing another few years until you finally decide it’s good enough. Isn’t it good enough for her now?”
I shuffled my feet on the porch. Lake had never made me feel like what I could offer her wasn’t enough. All that had come from inside me, I knew that. “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I don’t know if it’s enough.”
“You’re afraid. I get it. Love my wife, and I get scared sometimes, too. Something might happen to her, or she’ll wake up one day and realize she can do better.” He shrugged. “Hasn’t happened yet, though, and we’ve had a pretty good life together.”
Was I afraid? There was no question. I’d better have a damn good reason to ask Lake for another chance after her trust in me had splintered over the years. If I showed her all this, and she didn’t want it, I needed to know I’d done everything I could. This was my last shot. Fucking it up wasn’t an option. “I’ve run out of chances,” I said. “Our timing is shit. I can’t try to get her back and fail again—everything has to be right. I need to get this right.”
