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I wiped my brow, tucking myself back in my boxer-briefs, and leaned back against the sink. “Yeah, I actually do need to run to Beth Israel for an appointment, but that’s ten minutes from here and I liked the idea of you waiting for me here until I returned.”
“It’s twenty minutes,” she said, “and you can come back here after your meeting. I won’t be home until after ten, though.”
“After ten?” I tried to get her to look at me, but she focused on slicing the sandwiches down the middle. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Her head shot up. “What?”
“You were going to work a ten-hour shift? Isn’t there a law against that or something?”
She laughed a little, plating the sandwiches. “I haven’t been arrested yet.”
I thought of Lake on her feet all day, leaving after dark, when the streets were quiet. She wouldn’t be doing that alone tonight, but I couldn’t always be here to walk her home.
She held out the plate to me, but I kept my eyes on her. Not even a monster sandwich could dislodge the pit in my gut. “I really wish you’d quit,” I said.
“Can’t. The tips are—well, they aren’t great, but they’re tips.”
“Can’t you pick up more hours at the animal shelter?” I asked.
“If I could, I would. They cut back during winter so I’m only there one day a week right now. I don’t make tips there anyway.”
“Lake.” I took the plate and put it on the counter. “You’re my girl now. I have big plans for us. I can’t go back to California knowing you’re working that late at night, that you’re living in a place a step down from the shed in my backyard.”
“I resent that,” she said. “I was doing fine without you, and I’ll be fine when you go.”
“You’ll be fine?” I asked.
“Financially, yes.”
I took her waist and brought her close. “And in a non-financial capacity?” I asked, hugging her.
She looked at my chest but thawed a little. “I need this job. Not just for the money, but if I don’t keep busy day and night, even when the rest of the city sleeps . . . the minute I stop, I’ll think about you there with her.”
“I’m coming back for you, Lake.”
Our eyes met again. “But when? I won’t feel like I have you until all that is finished.”
I wanted to lie to her and say it would be quick, that I’d be on a return flight in no time. I worried Lake wasn’t facing the truth of our situation, and though I’d bent over backward in the past to protect her from this kind of pain, I was beginning to see how that could ultimately hurt her. “It might be months,” I said. “Tiffany and I own a home together. I’m leaving a job with a salary I probably won’t be able to command again. I’ll do everything in my power to get back to you as soon as possible, but I’m untangling two lives—”
“I get it.” She tried to push out of my grasp, avoiding my gaze. “I have to keep waiting. It wasn’t enough that I saved myself for you and thought of you every single day we were apart.”
“Lake.” I held her in place.
“I have to get to work.”
“I’ll cover your rent while I’m gone. Instead of working the diner, you can focus on auditioning.”
This time she pushed hard enough that I let her go. She carried the dishes to a folding table so rickety, I’d flatten it out if I sat on it. “You know I can’t accept that,” she said, her back to me.
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not some mistress you can stash away.”
“Come on—mistress?” I asked. “You know that’s not what this is. I’m doing my best to fix my mistakes. If I go back and rip the carpet out from under my life without worrying about the details, it’s going to hurt all of us even more. Especially Tiffany.”
Lake paused. “What makes you think I don’t want to hurt her as much as possible?”
“I know you don’t. No matter how she’s treated you, you’ve never been vengeful or nasty.” I walked up next to her, moving the curtain her hair made away from her face. “It’s one of the first things I noticed about you that day on the lot, then at the fair, and it’s one of the things I love about you.” I kissed her temple. “You’re generous and kind and patient.”
“No I’m not.” She pinched the bridge of her nose as if holding in tears. “I’m ruining her life. If you’d married someone else, I’d feel awful enough about breaking up a marriage, but this is my own sister. I don’t know how I can do it.”
“You aren’t. I am. I’m leaving her for you. I’m coming for you, whether you tell me to or not.” I didn’t let Lake see that I’d be going home to the person I’d spent the last six years trying to fall in love with. Maybe my heart didn’t beat for Tiffany, but I had slept next to her for years in a bed we’d picked out together. I’d gotten to know her tastes inside and out. Tiffany wasn’t always easy, but she was my friend, my partner, someone I’d one day assumed I’d have a child with. I knew Lake felt guilty about this—she and Tiffany were blood, after all—but this would undoubtedly be the worst thing I’d ever done. My father had hurt people intentionally and had later had the nerve to ask for forgiveness. While my marriage was no accident, it was a mistake, and gutting Tiffany was something I’d always regret. The only comfort I had was understanding for the first time that staying with Tiffany for the wrong reasons would be worse in the long run than leaving her now. Lake was my star in the sky, but Tiffany needed to be the star of the show, and I couldn’t give her that.
