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“Whatever you want, beautiful.” He nuzzled my temple, rocking me as we stood puzzled together, a seemingly strong unit to everyone around us—even Manning—but with a very crucial piece missing.

16

Manning and I drove out of my parents’ cul-de-sac after dark. We weren’t the only ones leaving the beach on a Sunday night, but even without traffic, I suspected the drive home still would’ve felt longer than the one up. It was definitely quieter.

“What’re you thinking about over there, Birdy?” Manning asked.

I spun my wedding ring, picturing its soothing, pearly stone in the dark. “Just how empty it feels.”

“The puppies are in great hands,” he said. “Val was excited. Lydia would’ve taken two if she could’ve. Even your dad fell in love with Rebecca. You should be proud of yourself. And happy.”

The way he said happy made me think he could sense that I wasn’t, but that didn’t surprise me. Manning always seemed to know how I was feeling, sometimes before I could even name it. “I’m tired, that’s all.”

“You’ve been quiet since before dinner. Did you really want to keep the puppies? I thought you were joking.”

“No. There’s no way we could handle raising five all at once.”

Manning stayed quiet a few miles, long enough for me to assume he’d dropped whatever he was getting at. Deep down, though, I knew he hadn’t, so I wasn’t surprised when he broke the silence again.

“Then it has to be about Val’s news.”

I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to talk about this. I didn’t want to think about it anymore. I didn’t want to feel like such a failure. Why couldn’t he ever just leave it alone? For the first time in my life, I wished he didn’t love me so much, didn’t try to protect me from everyone—even myself. “I’m happy for them.”

“I know you are.”

“So can we leave it at that?”

“You know we can’t,” he said.

“I have a headache.” I stared out the passenger side window as the landscape changed from breezy, lively Newport Beach to the dark, still mountains. Manning and I had taken this drive many times, but none would ever be as thrilling as the first. The night we’d driven into town, around perfect neighborhoods, and into unforgiving woods, had been one of the best of my life. True, he’d had too many cares and worries for such a young age, ones I’d adopted as my own, but even now, I’d go back, just for tonight. Especially if it meant escaping what lay ahead of us.

Manning didn’t push the subject. He let me sulk for the remainder of the drive, but I wasn’t off the hook. Not only because Manning wouldn’t let me go long in a mood like this, but also because of what Corbin had said. I owed Manning the truth; I just didn’t know how or when I was going to tell him.

A few miles from the house, around ten, Manning’s cell rang. He flipped it open. “Yeah?” he asked, pausing. “No, it’s all right. I’m glad you called.” He listened, steering us onto the small road toward the house. “Yeah,” he said, his tone wooden. “I understand.”

He squinted ahead, ignoring me as I tried to get his attention. “Manning?” I whispered.

“Makes sense,” he said into the phone. “It’s been a while since I was in the business, so I can’t say I don’t understand. Keep me in mind, though. Sure.” He snapped the phone shut.

“What was that?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“Excuse me?” I asked. “This is a two-way street, you know. If I have to talk about my stupid feelings, so do you.”

His nostrils flared as he pulled into our long driveway. “Big Bear’s tearing down and rebuilding some public restrooms on the other side of the lake. Joe at the city said he’d put in a good word for me.”

I wrinkled my nose. “For furniture?”

“I submitted a bid, but Joe wanted to tell me personally it would be rejected.”

“As a contractor? You don’t even have a crew.”

“I’ve been getting one together. It’s—it was—a small job.”

“You never mentioned that. I didn’t even know you were thinking about any of this until this afternoon.”

“Doesn’t matter now.” He parked and got out, slamming his door shut and starting around the front of the truck.

I hopped down before he reached my side. “Have you submitted for anything else?” I asked as Blue whined from the back gate. After her accidental pregnancy, and with so many puppies, Manning had put up a temporary fence.

“Not yet.” He went up the porch steps as Blue ran around back to her dog door. “I still need to register as a business, but I wanted to get the ball rolling.”

Register as a business? “Are you doing this for real?” I asked. “What about furniture?”

“I can do both.” He opened the front door for Blue, and Altair and Vega came tumbling out after her. Manning took their leashes from the foyer. “Who wants to go for a walk?”

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