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Cass’s smile takes me right back to her sitting opposite me at the apartment. All reservations of me being able to move back in here are tossed aside the moment she dashes on through to the kitchen.
“My turn,” she says with a laugh, and she’s already got two mugs of fresh coffee waiting on the counter. “I got some of the liberica beans. I’m already addicted to them.”
She has such genuine warmth as she hands me my coffee with a cheers.
Now’s the time to show my gratitude. Ant’s right. It’s a big thing for her to open up her new home to me.
“Thanks, Cass. For the bigger picture and not just for the coffee beans. I appreciate how great a thing it is that you’re letting me move in here with you.”
“That’s no problem,” she says. “I’m sure it’ll be great. I feel like we’re friends already.”
“Same goes for me.”
I’m still in my shirt and trousers from the office, and she’s still in a blouse and pencil skirt from hers, so it already feels like we’re housemates settling down after a work day. It feels weirdly natural. Already like we’re at home.
It’s something I should be grateful to Ant for. I get a pang of guilt at the fact that I haven’t been.
“Think Ant will be down to join us?” I ask her.
“I don’t think he’ll be dashing down for some liberica coffee beans anytime soon, do you? Since it’s mineral water for him all the way.”
I feel like a true asshole for undervaluing what Ant’s offered me. The guy has offered me another step up the career ladder, and accommodation in his home, despite the fact he’s hooked up with the woman of his dreams. The least I can do is give a shit about him.
I look over to the wine rack instinctively, checking for signs of vodka bottles.
It’s clear in Cass’s eyes and enthusiasm that she cares just as much about him as I do, so I use the opportunity to reach for her hand.
“How’s he doing, Cass? Is it truly mineral water he’s on every day?”
She looks puzzled, so I squeeze her hand tighter.
“It’s ok. I was the one who convinced him to pursue addiction therapy in the first place. Nothing is going to shock me, I promise. No judgment on my part.”
Her expression stays puzzled, unwilling to buy into my words, and I regret my decision. I’ve overestimated our closeness by a mile, expecting her to confide in me way too soon.
“Sorry.” I pull my hand away. “I don’t expect you to speak with me about it, it’s just me caring about him. I shouldn’t have mentioned it. It’s just with him driving tonight, and with him being so back and forth with the travel lately, I’ve lost track of it. That’s all.”
It’s when her expression changes that the realisation of what I’ve done clubs me like a brick to the head. Her confusion shifts into something concrete as her mind clicks onto my words.
“Wait… are you saying Ant hasn’t always been on mineral water? Does he drink a lot? Is that what you’re saying?”
I try to fathom what’s going on here, my eyes right on hers, because there’s no way Ant can’t have told her about his history with alcohol.
She stares at me. Hard.
“You mentioned therapy. Do you mean what I think you mean? Are you saying that Ant is an alcoholic?” She pauses as a wave of shock hits her, and there’s no doubt about it. She didn’t have a clue.
“He used to be,” I insist. “And that’s most definitely his story to tell you and not mine, I’ve well overstepped the boundaries here.”
“Used to be an alcoholic when?!”
Jesus Christ, I’ve fucked up. I’ve well and truly fucked up. I rub my temples, hating my stupidity.
“A while ago,” I offer, because time is subjective, and months can feel like a lifetime.
“But you’ve only known him a few years…”
I feel like a fish caught on a line, which I should do. I’ve been an absolute piece of shit for assuming she knew a single thing about Ant and vodka.
“Look, Cass, I’m really sorry,” I offer again. “I’ll apologise to Ant the moment he steps downstairs. It wasn’t my place to say a word.”
She shakes her head in an instant, looking strangely panicked at the thought.
“No, wait, please don’t do that. He’ll tell me when he’s ready and that’s totally ok. You didn’t mean to do anything wrong, so that’s fine. It’s no problem.”
I’m confused myself now.
“I did do wrong though, Cass. I betrayed Ant’s confidence and that’s never ok.”
It’s her who reaches out to take my hand across the counter this time.
“You did it because you care about him,” she whispers, and her smile is incredible, even through her confusion. “That’s all that matters, and that’s an awesome thing to see. I’m glad you’re his friend.”
