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It’s him who reaches out to take hold of my arm this time, but his fingers aren’t trembling in the slightest. It’s a beautiful gesture of friendship in a simple squeeze.
“Thanks,” I say again, and take a nice long breath, letting the relief flow free.
“Nothing to say thank you for. It’s the truth.” He takes his hand from my arm. “Now, I’d better get onto this reporting.”
“No problem,” I say, suddenly quite sad at the thought of him holing away upstairs. I feel a wave of emotion along with it. Uncertain and intense and just… weird.
He must see something is going on with me, because he pauses before he walks away.
“You know, Cass, sometimes I like working in the living room with a bit of background noise. It can make it feel more homely, and less corporate. I’ll set up down here if I can, so long as it won’t disturb your movie watching?”
The thought of having some non-pressuring company along with me feels like it would be a dream, so I grin like mad.
“You’ll be more than welcome. Thank you.”
It’s when I see the relief on his face that it becomes obvious that he wasn’t just making the suggestion for my benefit. It wasn’t purely out of charity, since his smile is as broad as mine.
“I’ll go unpack and be right back,” he says, hefting his case and heading up the stairs.
I get a weird thump of intuition, and it brings back the memory of how alone you can feel with nothing but work and silence.
I hated coming home to an empty apartment every night in Newton Road. It feels like a lifetime ago now, but I can still remember it. I may not have been in there for weeks, and Ant’s been telling me I should ditch it at the earliest opportunity, and I will do, but still, it’s filled with unpacked boxes right now, empty and alone. Symbolic of my life before he arrived in it.
Ant’s made it clear that Gerwyn isn’t very social in Berlin, so I can imagine it’s been crap for him coming home to an empty space with no Ant in it for days on end. He may be all into campaigning, but online meetings and chat just can’t be the same as sharing your evenings with someone, even just for the sensation of having another person in the same place.
“Do you like lasagne?” I ask Gerwyn when he gets back downstairs with his laptop and briefcase.
He nods. “Sure do. Lasagne would be really nice, thanks.”
I’m getting more confident with my cooking, so get the pasta sheets out and call up a recipe on my phone. I can see him as he sets up on the sofa with his laptop on his lap and his paperwork on the coffee table. I love the concentration in his brows from the moment he starts tapping on the keyboard, remembering him as the guy at the podium, speaking with passion to the world.
Thank fuck that Ant was kind enough to hold back on telling Gerwyn I dropped him in the shit for his vodka revelation. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if Gerwyn thought I’d betrayed him like that.
It would feel even worse than betraying Claire.
He’s amazingly grateful when I present him with lasagne with some fries on the side. He puts his laptop down and scoots up on the sofa so I can sit alongside him, and we both turn to face each other, my legs huddled up.
I haven’t eaten dinner on my lap in this house, not even once, and especially not on the sofa in PJs. It feels so much like home this way, smiling and chatting about local bakeries as we eat.
Gerwyn thanks me again when we’re done and I take his plate out with mine. He’s busy at work on his laptop by the time I load up the dishwasher and head back in for movie time.
I could take the sofa opposite, but I don’t. I sit right back down alongside him, hugging a cushion as I watch David Bowie in Labyrinth, and grateful I’ve got a friend at my side.
Swimming tomorrow night is completely off my mind until Janie sends me another ping at 10 p.m. with a well, is he coming?
I feel weirdly nervous as I approach the topic with him.
“We usually go to the swimming pool on a Thursday night. Me and Janie, so we were wondering if you’d like to come.”
“Swimming?” he asks, and I nod with a smile.
“Yep. Swimming. It’s really fun. Our friend Penny comes too, and it’s really cool. I think you’d enjoy it.”
He gives one of his chuckles. “I’d have to dig my swimming trunks out of the bottom of the wardrobe, I haven’t worn them in ages.”
My heart is racing a little bit, imagining him enjoying himself in the pool with us. Enjoying himself with Janie…
