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“Some shit with people you shouldn’t have?”
She sucks in a breath. “People. Yes. Boyfriends. That’s what Ant likes to call them. That’s what I called them to him, until he got old enough to know better. They weren’t boyfriends, though. They were abusive pieces of shit, making me act for them. I was drinking, and smoking, and full of drugs, even though I hated it all.”
I know what she’s going to say. My guts are twisted up, and I feel sick.
“I was a prostitute,” she tells me. “I got fucked up in debt, and a coffee shop job wouldn’t cut it, so it was how I made money to support us. I tried to keep Ant away from it, I swear. I’d shut him in his room and keep him out of view. I’d call them my boyfriends and say he was a good boy for leaving us alone and buy him stupid little toys every weekend when it was him and me time. And it was alright. Kind of. Until a guy came along and changed everything. A guy called Robert, who turned up and demanded he became my pimp. Telling me I was infringing on his territory and there would be hell to pay if I didn’t let him govern me. He was the nastiest piece of shit I’ve ever known. Introducing people who nearly killed me. Making me act in ways I hadn’t done before.”
I get up from my seat and sit next to her on the sofa, placing my hand on her arm as she stares at the window, lost in horrid thoughts.
“A guy became your pimp by force, then threatened and exploited you? I’m so sorry.”
She nods. “He controlled the whole district. He took ninety percent of my earnings and threatened my life if I tried to pull away. And my God, the guys that he sent to me. Sometimes six at once.”
The thought brings me out in shivers.
“And Ant knew about this?”
Callie-Ann nods, still staring, lost. “He still kept calling them my boyfriends and acted oblivious to it, but as much as I tried to keep it quiet, there’s no way he wouldn’t have heard it through the wall. Then, one night, he went crazy. He bust out of his room and kicked out at Robert who was standing in the hallway, screaming that he wanted him to die.”
I really could be sick at the thought, but try to keep calm.
“And what happened? Did Robert hurt him?”
“No. I think in some ways it would have been better if he had.”
“Really?”
Her eyes are full of pain as she looks at me. “Robert got down to his level, on his knees, he looked over at me wrapped up in a duvet cover, still fresh from being fucked every which way, and he lit up a cigarette and laughed at me. And then he told Ant that women are sluts. Women like to be sluts, but sometimes they just don’t know it. He said I was worth nothing but the men’s cocks who wanted to be inside me, and if I was really any more than that, I wouldn’t be enjoying it so much.”
She retches, and I have to choke back a retch of my own.
“I screamed at Ant to get back in his room, but he didn’t want to. Robert was wearing a posh suit, and Ant was staring at him in some kind of weird fascination. The asshole pulled a tenner out of his pocket and handed it over like it was nothing, telling Ant that’s what I was worth. One shitty tenner. That’s what I got from all of the boyfriends who wanted a piece of me, and it was pathetic. He told him money is power, and money can buy anyone, and he should set his sights as high as possible and make every bit of cash he can, because that’s what will make him a good, smart, happy boy, not cheap rubber fucking finger puppets.”
I keep pushing, gently. “And what happened then?”
“Ant hated him at first. He took the tenner and scribbled all over it, cursing Rob like the piece of shit he was. But then it changed, week by week. Rob would bring him money, and tell him money was all that mattered, and I guess Ant started to believe him. He stopped speaking to me, preferring to look at me like a piece of trash worth nothing. I didn’t need to shut him in his bedroom anymore, since he didn’t give a shit who was fucking me, or when, or how. So when Colin came along and told me he wanted me to move away from London with him, I said I’d go, because I had to take the chance. Only I couldn’t take Ant with me. Not if Rob would be out to get me from the moment I packed up and left. I was on the run right from the start.”
