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“You sent Ant to Malvern?”
“I asked him if he wanted to go back to Malvern, or would rather I took him to some people who would find him another home. He chose Malvern. Ironic, really, since Dad was the guy I’d run away from in the first place. He believed my mother was a cheating piece of shit who was fucking half of Malvern behind his back and was convinced I was growing up to be like her.” She chokes on a laugh filled with pain. “Turns out he was more on point than I figured, and I imagine he told Ant so, every single day. Dad was mean and judgmental, but he wasn’t violent and he definitely wasn’t a criminal, so I knew he wouldn’t do anything to abuse Ant. Dad was always focused on money, bigging it up like Rob did. He’d always be preaching about how money buys you friends and controls your enemies. Cash speaks. Cash decides. Cash is king. Unless your wife is a cheating piece of shit, is what he used to say.” She sighs. “I knew he wouldn’t be a great influence for Ant. Not after Rob. But I knew he’d take care of him.”
I remember Ant talking about his grandad. But he never told me all that much about him, not really. Nothing other than they cared about each other until the day he passed away.
“I’ve been trying to reach out to Ant for years,” she says. “But, yeah. He doesn’t want to hear my voice. Can’t say I blame him, I just wish he knew that I loved him. I’m glad he found a woman he can love. For real, this time.”
I get a tickle up my spine. A nasty one.
“When you asked if Cass was his girlfriend girlfriend, what did you mean? He had problems with commitment?”
She shrugs. “You could say that. I tried to speak to my dad about it, and he indulged me once before he changed his number. He said Ant did very well with women, especially women who were sluts. He laughed and said Ant learnt very early that everyone has a price tag on them, so at least there was one thing he’d be able to thank me for when he looked back at his life.”
The tickle in me gets stronger. “Your dad told you to thank yourself that Ant believes everyone has a cash value? And what does Ant do with the cash value? Pay them for it?”
“Pay everyone for everything. Charge everyone for everything he thinks they’ll want to buy from him. He used to insist on paying me out of the money Rob gave him in handouts when I was making his school lunches. He’d get angry if I wouldn’t accept it, and throw the lunch on the floor. He’d rather throw it out than get it for free.”
I can imagine that. I can see Ant doing that even now. I take hold of Callie-Ann’s hands because she’s shaking.
“What happened to Colin, the man you ran away with?”
She smiles. “He was amazing, but was a lot older than me. A lot, lot older than me. He died a few years after we moved away.”
“And now?”
“Now I’m on my own, and I prefer it that way. Old cat lady. Just wish I could tell Ant I love him one more time. I can’t even imagine the joy of being at his wedding. It would be like a dream. Maybe, hey? Maybe.”
“I do some campaigning work for G.A.T.A.,” I tell her. “There is plenty of help and advice we could give you on suffering at the hands of abusers like Robert in London. Therapy, and legal action, and help with prosecution.”
She holds a hand up. “I can’t. He’s dead.”
“He’s dead? Definitely?”
She smiles a bitter smile. “I heard it from a friend of a friend on the grapevine a long time ago. He went up against the wrong people.”
“I see. And how about the other men who exploited you? Would you want support in confronting them?”
“I don’t even know their names. A lot of them I barely even saw their faces. Robert had very clear demands. Anonymity of his clients was one of them.”
I hate how she’s been abused. I have to stop myself clenching my fists as the force of my morality hits me.
“It’s ok now,” she tells me, although I’m really not so sure anything like that could ever be ok. “I’ve been having therapy for a long, long time, and it’s done me good. I’m clean of drugs and drink, and don’t even smoke anymore.”
“That’s great,” I say. “Well done. You have my utmost respect for coming through it.”
I hold back from pushing her to take further action with G.A.T.A., since now really isn’t the time for the crusader side of me to come to the fore. It seems Ant’s mum reads me a little though.
