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She shakes her head. “No, Ger. He’s always told me everything I do is up to me. I wanted to be in the mattress room. I wanted to play those games. I was happy to join in. I could have called time out any time I wanted to.”
I have to say it. I suck in a breath before I do.
“He’s been charging people for being with you. The people coming into the mattress room aren’t respectful acquaintances out for a good time. They are clients. They’ve paid him to fuck you however he gives them permission to.”
“But, what–? You mean?” She laughs like it’s absurd, even now. “No way. It can’t be…”
It breaks my heart to have to tell her.
“I’m sorry, Cass, but I sought Lee out and asked him about it. He confirmed it. He paid Ant to have sex with you.”
It hits her in another savage wave, and I keep my grip on her arms to steady her.
“NO!” she cries out. “He can’t have!”
She doubles up and retches, and I put my hand on her back, trying to assure her it’s going to be ok, and it will be, but we need to get the fuck away from this place.
I hear her phone ring out from inside the house.
“It’s him,” she manages to say through the retches. “I need to answer, or he’ll come home.”
She stumbles through and I follow her, but she retches again as she sees his name onscreen.
“He’s hit the motorway?” I ask her, and she nods.
“Fine, then we’ve got a few minutes to go.” I ease the phone from her hand and toss it down onto the counter. “Grab whatever you need and let’s make a move.”
“Where to?” she asks, then braces herself against the breakfast bar. “My God, Gerwyn… I’ve been a prostitute and I didn’t know it. And what else hasn’t he told me? I look like his mother and he’s been whoring me out to strangers, rewarding me with sparkling fucking jewellery, and I’ve been thanking him like he’s a prince.”
I hate seeing her world crumbling, but I have to take the lead. Her phone starts ringing again, and I’ve no doubt that he’ll be on his way back in a panic.
“Cass,” I repeat. “Please, grab whatever you need to grab and do it quickly. We really need to go.”
She nods this time, holding back another round of sobs.
“Ok. I’ll do it. Can you drive my car? I don’t think I’ll be able to manage it.”
“Yep, I can drive. Mine’s on the other side of the hills.”
She points to the corridor. “My keys are up on the rack. I’ll grab some things.”
I watch her race away, my heart aching for her. I take her keys and get her car ready to go, heart pounding as a timer in my head keeps on ticking. We don’t have long. Ant will be driving like a fucking lunatic, I’m sure.
She’s quick, with nothing more than an overnight bag, and her laptop – phone left behind. I load them in the back seat, and we buckle ourselves in. Time to go.
I take a left out of the driveway and keep on going. Newton Road isn’t an option, so I drive along towards Much Arlock, relaxing a little with every passing mile. Cass is staring out of the passenger window, and her mind must be on overdrive.
“Tell me what really happened in that room,” I say. “How much abuse did you take in there?”
Another round of tears start streaming. “I didn’t take abuse. He asked me if I wanted to do it. I said yes.”
“By coercing you into it with promises and praise, and with fears of disappointing him if you didn’t, yes? Is that true?”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
“And he didn’t tell you these guys were paying for it, did he?”
She’s still trying to see his side of it, as the tears keep streaming.
“Jesus, Gerwyn. He must be so fucked up inside. The things he went through…”
“Yes. He must be. And yes, it was terrible for him. But people make choices, Cass. Ant has been making plenty of choices for a very long time.”
“But to see that… to be a child through that…”
“Don’t make excuses for him, Cass. This isn’t about how awful he had it, which he did. It isn’t about how hurt he is inside, which he is. This isn’t about his past, which is horrific. It’s about the man he is now. The man he chose to become, because everyone has to take responsibility for their actions and choices. He has to take absolute responsibility for his.”
“Yes!” she says. “But he was so fucked up!”
“Definitely. And it’s no surprise he’s hurt, and fucked up inside, but he manipulated you because of it, and whored you out without you knowing. That was his choice, Cass. His choice. You may still love him right now, but he definitely doesn’t love you. If he did, there’s no way he would have had the lack of respect to put you through any of that. He’d have loved you for who you are.”
