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My face must be streaked to hell when I get out of the car and cross the distance, but I don’t cry. I don’t want Ant to see a single tear.
“Cass!” he says, but the pain in his voice means nothing to me. The hurt in his eyes doesn’t move me at all. “Baby, come back inside! Where the hell have you been?! I’ve been worried sick.”
I walk mutely, shoulders strong and rigid as I head to the front door. I hold up a hand when he makes to move towards me, and then I see the manipulator begin to play his cards.
“Princess, I’m sorry. Whatever he’s told you, it’s not true. I love you, sweetheart. Whatever bullshit lies he’s concocted, he’s stirring shit between us.” He looks at Gerwyn. “Jealousy is a cunt, Ger. Grow the fuck up and get out of here.”
Gerwyn scoffs at him. “No fucking chance.”
I smile at the man who truly loves me – the crusader, not the manipulator – feeling my heart blooming under the pain.
“I’ll be right back,” I say to him, and I mean it.
There is only one final conversation ahead of me, before I put this to bed.
“I’ll be waiting,” Gerwyn tells me, and I smile.
He’s still glaring at Ant as he lights up a cigarette, and if looks could kill Ant would be a dead man.
Right now, I wouldn’t be all that sad if they could.
Cass
“What the hell’s been going on?” Ant asks me, and has the audacity to be accusatory. I almost laugh.
“I think you’re the one who should be answering that question. Not me.”
He looks confused, and I feel a strength inside I haven’t felt in months.
“How about you tell me what the hell’s been going on with you pimping me out upstairs? How about you not being honest about what really happened with your mother in London, and what you went through, and how that’s affected who the hell you are? And what about the lies and the spin you put on Gerwyn’s resignation, and how he didn’t want anything to do with us anymore?”
Ant looks hurt. “That’s a lot to throw at me, princess. I’d have told you about London when I felt comfortable.”
“Yeah, sure you would.”
His eyes are so soft on mine, still trying to look genuine.
“I find it hard to admit weaknesses, Cass, and I’m sorry for that, but it’s how I am. I told you before, I don’t like pity or sympathy. It takes a lot for me to open up, and I’m sorry for that, too. I’ll try harder, but it takes time.”
“Yeah? Really? And how about sorry for the fact that you were whoring me out without me knowing it? Didn’t feel comfortable about that, either?”
He looks at me like I’m the crazy one.
“You didn’t know that?”
I stare at him in shock until he carries on.
“Do you really value yourself that little, princess? If so, then I’m very sorry to hear that.”
“Me value myself that little?! Are you for fucking real, Ant?”
“Yeah, I’m for fucking real,” he says. “I assumed you knew I wouldn’t be letting people enjoy you like that without demonstrating your value. The least they could do is respect you enough to show your worth. People pay for things, Cass. When they value things, they pay for them. There is no way I’d have let those men anywhere near you without showing that. I’m amazed you thought I would.”
“FUCK YOU!” I yell. “That’s not showing value! That makes me a prostitute, not a woman enjoying sexuality with the man she loves!”
He shrugs. “Well, then, I’m sorry for that too. We must see things differently, and I’ll learn from that. I won’t be doing it again.”
“Too right you won’t!” I shake my head, amazed at his vile logic. “You honestly think I’d have wanted to do it if I knew people were paying you for it?”
He holds firm with his opinions.
“They were paying us for it. Our finances are joint as far as I’m concerned. And yes, I’d have honestly thought you’d have wanted to do it. I hoped you were being honest and enjoying it for what it was, regardless of what value other people were putting on it.”
“I was being honest!”
“I’m not so sure about that now, sweetheart. I think you’ve been lying to yourself as well as me, and that could have been avoided. You could have said no at any point, and I’d never have pushed it. Not once.”
“You’re twisting things,” I tell him, truly seeing it now. How he always does this.
“I’m not twisting things, I’m telling you the truth!”
I take a moment, staring at him with clear sight.
“Asides from whoring me out and assuming I’d know about it, why did you lie about Gerwyn resigning and wanting to be done with us?”
“He resigned. I wasn’t lying.”
