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She turned her head to me. “How do you know?”
“When I returned home from eleven years away, I saw what you didn’t. That Diego was fooling everyone. And that he had you in his grasp. I went to great lengths to get you out, did I not? I knew. Trust in me. The path wasn’t clear or easy, but I had faith we’d end up here.”
“Here,” she repeated. Simply. With no inflection or enthusiasm.
Natalia had given me no indication recently that she wanted to be anywhere else. But if the truth of Diego’s deception had her doubting herself—if it had changed something for her . . .
I swallowed, trepidation sinking in along with a question I needed to ask. I’d faced many fears in my life, and I’d always come out stronger. But not since I was a teenager, standing before Costa, had I been confronted with the fear of willfully giving up someone I loved.
“Right before you confronted the Valverdes and learned the truth, you told me you were done with your old life. Has that changed?”
Her answering silence made me sweat. How tragically ironic it would be. I’d fought hard to bring her the Valverdes so she could finally release any doubts about me and let herself fall for me completely. But she’d begun to fall already. What if learning she couldn’t trust her judgment would have her doubt us? Doubt me?
“I want to be here more than anything, but . . .” she said so slowly, it hurt.
My heart pounded just as hard as it had during sex. I wasn’t sure, if faced with the decision, that I could let her go. Now that she’d glimpsed the life she could have with me, the right thing would be to release her and let her decide for herself.
But then, the right thing would’ve been not to take her in the first place.
“But can you understand why it’s hard for me to admit that?” she said. “That I choose this?”
She chooses this. That was what I needed to hear to assuage my fears—for now.
“Is it possible that even when I didn’t trust you, I did, deep down?” she continued.
“Yes. It’d been my job once to watch over your family.”
“The day my mother died shook our foundation to the core, but maybe it never broke.” She cupped her hand to my cheek, and I leaned into it, rubbing my stubble over her palm. “I love it when you do that,” she said. “It makes me feel as if I’ve tamed a beast.”
“You’d call what we just did tame?”
She smiled. And then, “I trust you.”
Ah. There it is. Because I’d never felt such contentment, I slid my hand under her hair and bent to kiss her. And yet, in the back of my mind, I understood that I was as terrified as I was fulfilled—Natalia and her love came with even greater fears.
The fear of losing her would only grow as our relationship deepened.
“You’re the everything I went in search of,” I said against her lips. “That loyalty and devotion you showed Diego as a nine-year-old girl—I craved it. The love between your parents—you were a true family.” I scanned her face closely. I didn’t even want to blink. “Once Diego offered all of that to me, I wanted it so fiercely, I was willing to break all my rules to have it. To have you.”
“That’s why you were so insistent I come to you willingly. You wanted me to choose you. And I do.”
“All that I did, I did with the knowledge that I could give you everything you ever desired.”
“And if I desire freedom?”
I paused. The one thing I could give her that would destroy it all. “Then ask for it. See what my answer is.”
I didn’t know my response, but my gut reaction was never. If you love someone, set them free—fuck that. I wasn’t the type to crush something I coveted before I’d ever let it go—except maybe when it came to her.
Fortunately, she didn’t ask.
“My father told me once he wanted me to marry a ‘great’ man—not a good one.” She inhaled audibly. “Now, he demands grandchildren—he must think you’re great.”
I’d always believed Costa was a great man. To have the sentiment reciprocated after growing up with a snake for a father meant more than Natalia could know.
“I want a family,” I said, “and we’ll grant Costa his demands—but you’re right. It’s not the time. I should be more careful, but with you, and only you, I seem to lose control.” I ran my knuckles over the goose bumps on her arm. “The time for a child will never be right when everything around us is a threat, but until we’ve dealt with Diego and Belmonte-Ruiz, we’ll wait.”
“Agreed.” She reached out and touched one of the wounds on my abdomen with a warm, soothing palm. “You didn’t hold back anything tonight. Do you feel all right?”
