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No. I shut my eyes, but I still saw her lying on the ground.
“Look at her, Cristiano,” Max ordered. “Look at your wife.”
I couldn’t. I couldn’t face it.
“Will you abandon her here?” he asked.
Abandon? Never.
She needed me—even in death. I had to get it together. I called on strength deep within and forced myself to turn back to Natalia.
The starkness of her lifeless frame was no less shocking. My pulse vanished; my blood ceased to flow.
“How’d this happen?” Max said. “She was alive when—”
“I don’t know.” It didn’t matter. I stared at her. All the lives I’d taken, and I’d never seen anyone so still. So unresponsive. Maybe, since Bianca, I’d never cared enough to look.
“Pick her up,” he said.
For once, I had no idea what to do—so I listened to Max.
I lifted her body to my chest as I stood and walked out the building, into the dark, to the forest.
I paused at the door to the vehicle as a breeze moved through the leaves of the trees.
Not leaves. Not a breeze.
Butterflies.
Overhead, thousands of monarchs covered the firs, fluttering their wings. Natalia had found comfort whenever one was near, thinking it was the departed soul of her mother returned to check on her.
But not me.
I had faith in very few things, and in even less now.
“Fuck you.” In my arms, Natalia was simultaneously deadweight and light as a sparrow. “Fuck you for taking her from me.”
Boots sounded behind me. Max and Alejandro appeared at my side. “Oh, God . . .” Alejo said. “No.”
“Get in,” Max said. “We’re in enemy territory. Get in.”
I carried Natalia into the backseat, cradling her against me.
I’d done everything in my power to bring Natalia back into this life. I’d promised her my protection. I had failed her. I should’ve left her alone. Costa’s words about Bianca’s death many months ago rang through my ears.
“I wouldn’t wish my pain or guilt on any man.”
I understood now. Bringing Natalia into this world hadn’t just risked her life but mine, too. Maybe Costa was strong enough to live without Bianca, but I wasn’t without Natalia. If that made me a coward, then I was one to my core.
As we pulled away from the warehouse, I put my face to Natalia’s. I kissed the dried tears on her cheeks, her wet lashes and cold lips. A sigh escaped her, and I swallowed it. Even death’s rattle came soft and gentle from her sweet mouth.
“Heaven or Hell, I will find you,” I whispered to her. “I will make Belmonte-Ruiz pay, and it will be the last thing I do before I join you.”
A sense of calm fell over me knowing I would be with her again soon.
.
27
Cristiano
I stayed at the back of the dark chapel that anchored the Badlands’ town square. In the middle of the night, Max, Alejandro, and Eduardo lit candles and prayed at the altar where Natalia’s body had been laid. Already, her father, Barto, and Pilar had been to see with their own eyes. Tomorrow would be the velorio before Natalia’s burial, but I could not bring myself to celebrate life as was accustomed at our wakes. I would say my good-byes tonight.
Max rose first and put his phone to his ear to answer a call. Even God’s house was not exempt from the demands of work. Maksim looked down the aisle at me, nodded, and came in my direction. “Gracias,” he said, hung up, and addressed me. “We need to speak.”
“Not now,” I said, my eyes burning as I stared ahead.
“It needs to be now. Lives are at stake. Put your grief aside.”
Impossible. I would never know another moment without pain and misery. To have loved and been loved by Natalia was all I’d ever needed, even when I hadn’t known it.
I couldn’t bring her back.
“You still have other lives depending you,” Max said.
I swallowed and turned my focus to him. “What is it?”
“We always knew there would be a price to pay for what we do,” Max said.
My heart lurched, forcing its presence on me even after it had been torn out. I scowled. “I’ve paid it.”
“The lives of your wife and child might’ve satisfied Diego, but their deaths mean little to Belmonte-Ruiz.” He paused as Alejandro and Eduardo approached, then said, “They’re coming.”
That was to be expected. I was weak now. And I’d derailed yet another of their deals. “How far?” I asked.
“They should be here by dawn.”
“Dawn is now,” I said.
“Not quite,” Max said. “But soon.”
“How many?”
“Enough. Belmonte-Ruiz is only part of the equation. They’ve enlisted several other federations to join him. They want the entire country to know you’re done.”
Diego had once again promised someone more powerful than him things he couldn’t deliver. And he’d paid the final price.
But I hadn’t.
Belmonte-Ruiz’s thirst for blood and vengeance would not be satisfied while I was alive. I had stolen from them. Killed their men. Cost them business and money. I’d made enemies of several cartels by making them look the fool too many times. And I’d gotten away with it.
