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“Because we have. We were condemned from the moment our ancestors had their wolves taken from them, when the first Anubis died and most of my people died with it.” He rubbed his eyes.
“What else?” Because there was something else in the man’s voice.
“I wanted this, but I didn’t know it would be like this.” Dekker’s answer was barely more than a whisper.
“You regret taking the serum?”
“No, no I don’t. When I realized my father had told us the truth, I wanted my wolf. I needed it. I always needed it. I just didn’t realize until I knew it was a possibility. The first time I Phased, I found myself. I am Mah. My identity the Sarvari.” Dekker leaned back in the chair. “I’d never really known who I was till then.”
Nox couldn’t say the same for himself. While his identity had become the Anubis, he’d never felt like he’d found what he’d lost.
Until Luca.
“Dr. Dante isn’t built for this, for what….” Dekker waved a hand. “I don’t even know. There’s never been an Urja. My father has looked for them, but he gave up and concentrated all our resources on perfecting the serum.”
“What’s wrong with it?”
“The serum was created using the ichor. It doesn’t work on egg-bearing men or women.”
“Egg-bearing men?”
“Not all women have a womb to carry young. Some can sire them. And not all men can sire young. There are those who can give birth.” Dekker laughed a little. “You’ve got the same look on your face that most the men I recruit get when they’re told that.”
“I’ve served with transgender men and women before, and I’ve slept with both.”
“Then you’re ahead of most.”
Maybe. Nox had never really thought about it. When taking on fire, he didn’t care what gender or orientation a person was as long as they could cover his ass.
And when he wanted to scratch an itch? What was between their legs hadn’t made a difference either. It was about satisfying a partner, and enjoying another person’s body, nothing more.
“Since the ichor doesn’t work on egg-bearers, it means we can’t have children.”
“Then how did your father get you?”
“He bred with a lot of female humans and Mah before he took the VrK. He requires all the men he recruits to sireget—offspring, before we are given the Sarvari. If they’re fertile.”
“That’s a crude way of putting it.” Like they were livestock and not people.
“It’s the way Varu and Mah refer to fathering offspring. The Varu might be flexible with it, but not my father. We are sires of the next generation. That’s all.”
“And what are the women, broodmares?”
“No. They’re our future.”
“If you can reproduce with humans, what does it matter?”
“We’re not a people if we can’t reproduce among our own.”
“But you said human and Mah females.”
“There aren’t enough fertile Mah females. Plus, they can’t take a wolf. The ability to create life prevents the ichor from working on them. At least that’s the theory. Either way, they suffer knowing what they are and can’t have.” Dekker shrugged.
“Do the Varu do the same?”
“Not until being more human became so important. And that meant looking and acting like them.” Dekker blew out a breath hard enough to puff his cheeks.
“What did you look like before?”
